SOMEBODY slept through dinner.
Dad: I found the asparagus and the stuffing in the fridge, but I can't find the porkchops.
Stepmom: Why are you looking for them?
Dad: Son's up and I was going to reheat dinner for him.
Stepmom: Why were you going to do that?
Dad: Is there a reason I shouldn't?
Stepmom: He knew dinner was at six and he slept through it. Let him reheat it himself.
Dad: I'm just getting him started.
Stepmom: Yeah, right.
SOMEBODY'S not cookin' tomorrow.
In order to unwind from an unusually busy several days, I thought I'd watch a little TV Tuesday night. Clicked on the set, then clicked the satellite remote.
Tried resetting the thing.
Figured it was the batteries, so went downstairs to look for fresh batteries. Husband asks, "What's going on?"
"Trying to watch TV, but it appears the batteries in the remote are dead."
"Oh, yeah. I noticed that on Sunday."
"And you didn't change the batteries?"
"Didn't know we had any fresh ones."
"Didn't bother to ask?"
"Figured I'd just surf the Internet instead."
"Instead of putting the remote to rights, for the next person?"
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"If you're going out, could you pick up batteries?"
"I'm not going out."
"Of course not."
"I think I'll walk the dog."
"Damn straight you'll walk the dog."
He walked the dog and I figured out that the batteries were fine, but that a cable had come loose in the back of the receiver.
Then I watched TV.
Because there is no way in hell that the selfish jackass who finds something not working and fails to do anything about it is going to get laid four consecutive nights.
This one hits home. I have two daughters. They are strikingly beautiful, which I take no credit for, since they were adopted. Princess is ten, but could pass for fifteen if you didn’t know how short she is. She wears a size eight pants, but must wear a belt or have her waist taken in. And she thinks she is fat because she is not as skinny as her little sister (who would look anorexic if she were white). If the prettiest girl in the school thinks she is fat, what chance do any of our kids have in this culture?