I used to have a myspace page (still do, just don't use it), now I have a Facebook page and I have become enslaved by it. I don't seem to be able to walk past my laptop without checking my page. I am not sure what I think I could have missed, but the urge is so strong that I must check it.
All that being said, I am thankful for it. I have found many old friends and have made some new ones. In some ways, it is my connection with the outside world (lame as that may seem). It seems as I have gotten older, I am more satisfied to be at home. Bob and I have always been very different. He used to want to be alone and I wanted to be with other people, but it seems now that we have changed roles. I am not sure why, maybe it is because the idea of going places with two kids just seems like too much bother. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and am thankful for them everyday, but sometimes I just want to be alone. Sometimes I joke about not even being able to take a crap by myself. Maybe I am not joking.
I have also found that I have less and less friends as I get older. When I was younger, I was always one of the guys and most of my friends were guys, besides chicks were always too competitive. Now I wish that I had more girlfriends, so that I could have somebody to talk about life with. Sure I have made many "mom" friends, but I have no friends that I just talk to because I need or want to. Friends in many ways are more precious than family (other than Bob or the kids).
So be good to your friends, love them, take care of them and talk to them, they might really need you...
It has been forever since I posted anything on here!! I am sure that I no longer have any readers, but if you do happen to stop by, hello.
I should start blogging again, but for now I have to get through next week. Sophia is starting kindergarten. I was sort of down about it last night, but I know she will love it and make new friends. Nick starts preschool the following week and that is just so hard to believe! It seems like only yesterday we were waiting for him to be born.
Time moves on and kids grow up too fast...
Once again I am sorry for my absence. As I said in my last post, I hurt my knee, so I have been going to physcial therapy a few times a week. Last weekend I woke up with a pinched nerve in my neck or back. I have sharp pains that occur in my right arm due to this and because I am right handed, this makes things extra challenging. So now I am faced with additional therapy for my arm. All in all it has been pretty sucky.
I am taking all sorts of meds, muscle relaxers, pain killers, anti-inflamitory drugs and also the medicine I take for depression, so I feel like a walking drug store.
This too shall pass, I just wanted to explain my absence.
I had bad news from two friends over the last week or two. First, my one friend's old neighbor and friend had an eleven year old child who commited suicide. I was just so sad for the family. I can not imagine finding my child dead from their own doing. It is hard for me to understand what drove such a young person to this sort of end. Another friend who is expecting a baby just found out this week that the baby (a boy) has Trisomy 18, which is a rare and almost certainly a fatal birth defect. The baby has no stomach and has some other problems, too. According to the Genetics specialist she and her husband spoke to said that 98% of the baby's with this defect do not make it to full term and that most parents faced with this situation end up terminating the pregnancy. It is just so sad. I saw my friend's oldest daughter today and she told me about the baby. I could tell she was upset, but I told her that she needed to give her mom and dad lots of love, because they will need it.
After writing about those two things I realize that even though I have some physical problems right now I am very lucky. My children are alive and healthy. It is funny how things can help to put things in perspective.
I hope that you are all well!
Yesterday was Bob's birthday and in a series of embarrassing unfortunate acrobatic events that included a dog fence, a dog water dish and Bob's birthday cake I managed to injure myself. After a doctor's visit and some x-rays I am now at home resting with my leg in the air. It seems that I have, in the best case scenario, sprained my left knee, if I am not vastly improved by Monday, I will have to go for an MRI to see if I have done something worse.
Bob ended up working from home today while taking care of the kids. I can not walk upright very well and limp horribly and steps are almost unbearable. If I am not better tomorrow, I will need Bob's help again, because I can't even lift the kids. I hope I am doing better soon, but only time will tell.
What a way to celebrate Bob's birthday and bring in a New Year. I hope that you all are starting 2008 off on the right foot!!!
What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger, so I just have to laugh.
"Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been over fourteen years since my last confession." These are the words I said to the priest when I went to confession last week. I had only been one other time. My friend who goes said how great he always feels after he goes, I decided to give it a try. I gave things some thought and wrote down what I wanted to remember. Of my sins the one that the priest advised that I should work on was the one where I said that I have problems honoring my mother and father.
He gave me some advice. He said to try to work things out by clearing the slate, by drawing a line on the sand and not bringing the past into the situation. So I did just that. My mom had called to get together before Christmas, so I told her to come on the 23rd and that I would make her lunch.
She got here pretty much close to the time that I told her to. She normally arrives way early. She gave us gifts and we gave her some. She ate the food I had prepared like she had not eaten in three weeks. There was little conversation during lunch, because there was no room to get any words in, in between bites. She did not interact with the kids. The only time she even held the baby was once when she knocked him down. He (in my opinion) is a cutey so I have a hard time understanding how she could avoid holding him. Sophia tried to talk to her and she just ignored her. She sat on a chair in our living room for about another hour watching football and not speaking. She abruptly got up to leave and within a few minutes was gone without so much as a "Merry Christmas."
As far as my father goes, I just sent him a Christmas card with a photo of the kids. I did not write a letter or anything, I just wanted to open the door. It has been at least five years since I have seen my Dad. My last dealings with him were super taxing and I had pretty much closed the door forever.
Now that Sophia is getting older and starting to ask questions, I know I have to have some answers for her or at least I feel like I should have answers for her. She recently asked me if my mother was dead, because she did not know who she was. When my mom came for the Christmas visit, Sophia asked what her name was. Sophia is a super sweet kid that would love anybody, but my mom just seems so cold and soulless, like she did not even know who the kids were.
So have I fulfilled my pennance? Have I done what I should? Do I continue to hold out for answers or is this as good as it will get? Should I persue anything else with my father or just completely leave things in his court?
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