With 213 songs to their credit, the Beatles were bound to stumble upon a few wise words here and there. "Let it be" and "Money can't buy me love" come easily to mind.

But let's remember that the Mop Tops were only human. Not everything that sprang from the grooves of their records can be considered "speaking words of wisdom." I offer, therefore, the following list of Beatlesque advice that might make you think twice.

• Your loving give me a thrill, but your loving don't pay my bills. Now give me money. That's what I want.
• Gather round, all you clowns. Let me hear you say, "Hey you've got to hide your love away."
• Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand.
• Baby, you can drive my car, and maybe I'll love you.

• If the sun don't come, you get a tan from standing in the English rain.
• Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
• Happiness is a warm gun.
• Let this be a sermon. I mean everything I've said. Baby, I'm determined, and I'd rather see you dead. You better run for your life if you can, little girl. Hide your head in the sand, little girl. Catch you with another man, that's the end, ah, little girl.
• Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void. It is shining, it is shining.
• Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies.
• And it really doesn't matter. If I'm wrong, I'm right.
• Roll up for the magical mystery tour! Step right this way!
• Why don't we do it in the road?

        

Cream's Top Ten hit, "White Room," was birthed by a period of drug and alcohol excess. We should have realized that the minute we heard the lyrics.

Let's allow CoPilot to visually interpret the first verse:

In a white room, with black curtains, near the station...

Black roof country, no gold pavements, tired starlings...

Silver horses, ran down moonbeams, in your dark eyes...

Dawn light smiles, on you leaving, my contentment...

All of which sounds and looks reasonably normal (moonbeam-running horses notwithstanding) until we hit the chorus:

I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines
Wait in this place where the shadows run from themselves...

Eeek!

        

Warping  9 to 5, what a way to cross the cosmos

Two levels down, they're holding a princess in a jail cell

Searchers for some droids
That is what we are
So we ambled in
This cantina/bar

        

Real Headlines. Fake News.

Rally Held in Minneapolis for Man Fatally Shot by Police in Madison
Rally spokesperson: "We were legally holding a rally for this man. The Madison PD had no right to fatally shoot us."

2 Teens Arrested After Attempted Carjacking in Minneapolis
"The fact that they couldn't successfully lift the car to change its tire is just a crime!"

Police Warn of Urban Exploring After Death
"There be ghosts wandrin' round these alleyways..."

St. Paul Could See Property Tax Hikes
A news release from forensic ancient literature expert, Along Tymago, states that the Apostle Paul predicted rising property tax rates as long ago as the first century AD.

Wolves to Retire Kevin Garnett's Jersey on Feb. 28
Starting March 1st, Garnett will be playing shirtless.

Testimony to Resume after Lindsay Clancy Jury Sent Home Early
"Okay, now that the bothersome jury is gone, let's get down to business..."

Attention: Airport Pick-ups/Drop-offs Could Be Cumbersome Next Few Days
This announcement from airport officials, of course, represents absolutely no change whatsoever from the normal state of affairs.

Bench Dedicated to Boy Killed in Minneapolis School Shooting Nearly 1 Year Ago
Why we're telling you about it now is a mystery.

Residents Weigh In on New Police Chief
...even though it would be much easier to use a bathroom scale

Desperate Search for Nepal Flood Survivors Enters Critical Phase
Search coordinator, Luke N. Finedem: "In this phase, everybody starts whining, complaining, and talking about how they would run things differently."

        

Depeche Mode started out orthodox enough:

But it soon becomes clear the singer is encouraging the listener to consider the singer to be the listener's supernatural confidant:

I was going to continue with more lyrical analysis, but I just realized that I have already given you all the words in the song. Everything else is repeating what's already been sung.

So...

Not only is the singer manifesting a textbook case of Messiah Complex, but he is also making it clear his songwriting ability lacks...shall we say...depth.

Certainly length.