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"~Ask Aunt B~" - 5 new articles
True Self
 Dear Aunt B,
Greetings,
I have nowhere to turn with this issue, so here I go putting my question to a complete stranger.... Perhaps I am just looking for validation. In any case, here goes... My girlfriend of 30 years is going through a divorce. When she first brought her future husband around, we all thought he was gay, but hey, it was the 80's, and many lines were blurred. She married him, had 2 children lickety-split, and then the sex stopped. Now, 22 years later, she's having her moment of clarity, hooked up with an old boyfriend, feels pretty again, and wants a divorce. Her children are very troubled, particularly her son, who flew off the handle one night after they had collected him from the police station and called his father a faggot, and told him that he knew all about his internet escapades. Her husband is a powerful man, with good lawyers. He is, in fact, the superintendent of a large school district. She felt that in order to leverage herself for the fight (husband suspects infidelity on her part), she had better bring some ammunition of her own to the table. She put a SpyBot on his computer. It turns out that this man has regular anonymous sex with many male partners, but, here's the kicker, his Craigslist ad states that he must be the "father" and his partner for the evening his "son". My friend is sick over this and wonders if he has ever touched their son. This man works with children for almost 10 months out of the year. Do you think the district should be notified? I'm sure he uses his work computer for the same purpose. I cannot speak to anyone about this, I'll be shunned. Everyone is just hoping she gets out with half. I don't think that's good enough. If my kids were in his district, I'd be the first to notify them, no question about it. But I'm far away, and I don't want to ruin anyone's life, and is it really even my business? Any advice on what to do, internet stranger? Many thanks, Karen F.   Dear Karen F,
Wow, that's pretty creepy, isn't it? I would also imagine, rather frustrating to say the least. Yes, it's a damn shame your G-Friend wasted so many good years of her life...and yet, I do believe we all go through things in our life for good reason. She just must simply find that reason. The first thing I'd like to reiterate is that you make sure your friend understands that this happened through no fault of her own. This man was born gay, that's it and that's all. What happened is that he tried to live by Societal rules or rather live by the status quo, you know what we all consider normality. but has since succumbed to his True Self. That "true self" sounds rather deviant though, doesn't it? I am completely grossed out by it just as you are. Yes Karen, it's one thing to be Gay, be true to oneself and desire the same sex, find someone to love, in what can be considered a wholesome gay relationship. It's quite another story when you're gay and are having sex with anything that walks down the pike, night after night. It's also flirting with death as well as disaster. Again, I do firmly believe that you are born gay. And I see nothing wrong with people who search for love in a gay relationship, possibly even using Craigslist or something similar. Of course love being the primary and paramount word/piece in this issue. However, I do also believe that God does not care much for deviance. And yes, there is a big difference between the two ways of conducting ones self in relation to being Gay. There are a few important issues to consider here though. For one; Although it's abhorrent in my book to play this game that this fella is alluding, concerning where, "he must be the "father" and his partner for the evening his "son" as you wrote, it does not mean he's a Pedophile. (I realize that you did not say that he was) Breaking that down, his behavior may indicate, what appears as pedophilia or rather a desire for young boys but it is clearly not the audience he is entertaining. What I am trying to say is that he may not be acting upon any desire for a prepubescent child, which is the guideline as to the definition of pedophilia. Well, let's pray to God he's not as his position in the School District would surely allow an array of opportunity. I suppose what I am trying to say is that you must be certain that you understand that the fact that he enjoys young men and playing this game does not mean he is a pedophile. Stranger than fiction, he may very well have a taste for toying with the "Twinks." In example, trying to put it all into perspective, you have a huge populace of men who have a taste for that "School Girl." They may even go as far as to ask their significant to dress up in that fashion. Now, this does not in any way, shape or form imply that they are pedophiles nor does it mean that they'll act out or upon those desires with, per say, a child in a school girl uniform. The mind set itself are, in actuality, two totally and completely different. I do hope you agree? Personally, this mans behavior, well, I find it rather offensive as well as disgusting but his Craigslist post is, I believe, designed to attract the aforementioned Twink. As well, there's no legal wrong being committed, at least on the surface as the posts are designated for young men that are 18 or older. Craigslist has the site designed for 18 & up with the following disclaimer;
I'm a bit perplexed as to how to advise you simply because this is such a delicate situation. What comes to mind though, is for your G-Friend to take all of her evidence and present it to her soon to be ex-husband. She can then write the end to this tumultuous chapter, I believe. What I'm saying is that if she let's him know what evidence she has, he's going to accommodate her in every way possible so that she does not bring it all to the surface and make it all public. I mean, if you think about it, he has really gone out of his way, all these years to keep all this under his hat. I'd be willing to bet that he does not want the public, especially the school district to know all this. After all, in light of public opinion, it will not sit well with anyone that their leader is behaving in a less than favorable fashion and still dealing with children on the daily. I suppose what I'm implying is that she most certainly has an Ace up her sleeve and it's just about time to play that hand. She should win the game. Keeping It Real, Aunt B Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!     The Package
Dear Aunt B,
my friend and I went to her cousins house to hang out one night and have a few beers. Her cousin has been around the block a few times. I had seen her cousin maybe 2 times before and he was really hot. We Hung out and had a few laughs. Later on that night, my best friend left to go to her boyfriends house and left me there with her cousin. Her cousin and I talked for a while and one thing led to another. We slept together and then fell asleep. I woke up the next mornin and left. 2 weeks later my best friend and I went back to her cousins house to hang out. Over the past 2 weeks that I hadn't seen or talked to her cousin I kind of fell for him. I just don't know if he feels the same? What should I do?
Dear Friend,
Well, you kinda rushed right in and gave him "The Package" pretty quick. This could cause him to not take you seriously. However, it can also mean that he likes you as well. What I mean is this; Some guys don't have issue w/a chick that jumps right into bed with them. Some do and will actually think less of you, believe it or not. That's just the way the ball bounces. Per chance he's one of those guys and feels he got what he wanted and that's it, well, you wouldn't want some double standard piece of work anyway, now would you? My suggestion is to find a way to spend some more time with him and feel it out. Again, if this guy pushes you away, it's because he got what he wanted from you and it's a done deal. So, think about it; If that's what goes down, he just wanted a piece of ass and nothing more. And I'll remind you again that you will probably find someone without the screwed up thinking right around the corner...HINT HINT!!! Keeping It Real, Aunt B Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!   Be Patient
Dear Aunt B,
I (a college student) met a very friendly guy at a party and we talked to each other three times. But we didn't contact until a couple of weeks ago I asked for his advice on the project I had been engaged in. (He's kind of expert at it.) About five days later, he replied that the project seemed interesting to him and he would like to discuss it with me in person. Unfortunately because of our tight schedule at the time, we couldn't managed to meet. On the other hand, he helped me by telling me his opinions online. Now he's leaving. I would like to meet him again and express my gratitude. He is quite a nice guy to me. But the problem is: I don't know if he is intersted in me and I don't want to "bother" him if he is really not. So I left a message asking whether he likes the idea of taking him out for afternoon tea as a thank you. He replied something like "Yeah! That would be cool!" But he also stated that he plans to do some traveling in the next few weeks and that he would, however, try to find a good time. Is this his euphemist rejection? Or this is not? What should I do next? I hope I gace sufficient information. Please tell me what is your take on this and million thanks for your suggestions! I really appeciate your help. Thanks. Maggie 
Dear M:
Well, I don’t think he is trying to brush you off. I think this is a thing about circumstance, and the right place at the right time. He is leaving, and likely has a lot to do to prepare. I would think that if he was trying to let you down easy, that he would just tell you he was really busy and didn’t have the time right now to hook up. But he didn’t. He wanted to make sure that you were aware that he had limited time, but that he wanted to meet with you regardless of the scheduling. To me, that sounds like he cares enough to tell you if he’s not interested. What you do from here? Well that is a little more precarious, only due to his time restraint. Unfortunately this is totally his to decide. He needs to come up with a plan, and that’s all there is to it. So, you need to Be Patient. And if it was meant to work out, it will. But I’m fairly confident that he will get in touch with you, sounds as though he wants to. Wishing you patients and luck :) ~Xmichra. Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!   You're Not Promised Tomorrow
Dear Aunt B,
First Email
Hello, I love my parents, they mean everything to me, it's been 3 weeks since they last said a word to each other and I want them to speak again. I've heard both sides of the story, my dad says that my mom speaks to him as if he was inferior to her and that it seems she's lost all respect for him. Then my mom says that my dad never helps out at home and doesn't consider all the hard work she does. I want them to sit down and talk to each other and stop complaining to me! How do I get my stubborn parents to speak again or at least sit them down to talk and resolve their issues?? I know if I ask them to sit down and talk, they won't do it? What should I do? Please help me and thanks sooo much! - Sincerely "Torn in 2" :(
Second Email... Hello, and first of all I want to thank your for taking the time to read my email. I'm a 15 year old girl, that loves her parents deeply, but lately they have been having issues, that need to be resolved. My parents have not been speaking for 3 weeks. I know they had an argument, and I have heard both sides of their stories. My dad claims that my mom has lost all respect for him, and that it seems she no longer cares, while my mom says that my dad is inconsiderate when it comes to all the hard work she does at home. I know my parents love each other, but how do I get my two stubborn parents to speak again? I have told them a lot of times to talk things out, but they refuse to. What should I do to get my parents to speak again? Do you know of any plan or something to make them come together? I'm tired of this, and frankly I want them to talk things out like the civilized people they are! It hurts me to see them like this :(. I don't know what to do, please help me. I really need this, especially since father's day is coming up. Thanks soo much for taking the time to read my email. Thank you ! --- Sincerely "Torn In Two" :) 
Dear Torn In Two,
I can see, reading between the lines that you are mature, way beyond your years. I can also see that you are a very "deep" thinker. This is a double edged sword, one you'll carry all the days of your life. It's a good and bad thing, you will see but don't ever change that about yourself. You know, people fall in and out of love so easily, especially in this day and age. We take each other for granted as if we are each replaceable like robots or some kind of assembly line gadget we toss out with the trash. On top of all this, we tend to treat each other horridly because God forbid we might let our guard down, let our real emotions show or even appear to be vulnerable. And no one ever wants to wrong, half wrong in any given situation where compromise is called for. It's true too that we always tend to hurt the ones we love the most. Unfortunately, it also seems the Art of the Fight, well, it's no holds barred these days. We think nothing of hitting below the belt in our proverbial assault upon each other. Sad but true. Words do cut like a knife. When I was with my last husband Sonny, oh my, we fought hardcore. I can remember almost wishing he'd just hit me instead of the barrage of insulting things he'd so easily fling at me. Yes, the black eye would've healed and disappeared but those words are/were forever stuck in the filing cabinet in my brain. More often than not, we tend to "LOSE" respect for each other. We so easily forget how much the person means/meant to us. We say things, we do things that can have everlasting effect, a lifetime of damage. It can become a handicap, crippling our relationships when they could be healthy had we kept our big mouths shut. Day to day living masks the profound effect our words may have had on each other, the good, the bad and the ugly. "Tomorrow is not promised." My first husband is gone. He died in 1989, complications of Hepatitis C. He was my very best friend until I began to take him for granted. I grew tired of him. I felt I'd grown past him and simply tossed him out, just like that assembly line gadget I mentioned before. Husband #2 was not my best friend. It was an extremely stormy relationship, to put it mildly. He was very abusive and I was too sick, mentally and physically to do anything about it for 19 plus years. How sick was this marriage, you ask? Well, I shot him the first year we were together. He'd beat me beyond recognition and went to jail. Two weeks later he was released and showed up at my door angrier than before because I'd had the gall to have him thrown in jail for what he'd done to me. It got real ugly, real quick, in a hurry. Long story short, I shot him point blank in the stomach with a .22 Long Rifle. He would've died had it not been for the fact that we were 4 minutes away from one of the best Trauma Centers in the Nation. You can only imagine how messed up he was but he checked himself out of the ICU, staples, from sternum to groin, hitched a ride and showed up at my door. Now, if that's not the sickest, most twisted relationship there never/ever was, well, I don't know what is. But even worse, I stayed in that marriage for 19 long years. And yet...I loved him. Yes, husband #2 OD'd and died April 28, 2010. I've yet to cry. Don't get me wrong, it hurts me. It's a pain, a deep wailing inside, insidious and cruel. I don't know what to feel. The point is that in both instances, with both men there are so many things I wish I'd said and done. But it's far too late and I can never get that back. Concerning your parents, it's high time they sit down and hash this out just as you would any business deal or contract. After all, that's basically where they're at; it's all business and no pleasure. I suggest that you take them both aside separately and get them to agree to a sit down. Tell them to do their homework and write down their issues. Bring it to the table and get it all out. You'll have to establish some ground rules such as fighting fair and the reminder that nothing is accomplished as it stands. I mean, after all, anger is a ruthless killer. It is selfish, destructive and it only serves to eat ones self alive. A gentle nudge in the direction of respect on both parties behalf is the most important rule for this business meeting. You might also remind them that they'll be NO shouting, cursing or pointing of the finger, much less flipping it. Then, you sit them down and explain to them that you are over their game. Life's too short for the dumb sh*t and although they each feel they have valid issues, the way they are going about it all is getting them no where fast. As well, I suggest that you read this letter to them as the opening act. I think they need to re-evaluate their individual parts played in this marriage. Please ask them if they forgot that a marriage is always a give and take situation but one that must be worked on all the time, every day, every second. The chief issue here, no matter what they really think it is, you know when it comes to their grievances in a list form is the fact that they do not respect each other. And until such time as they realize this with a mind set that they will make a conscience effort to uphold the respect factor, nothing and I do mean nothing will ever work. They've got to hash this out, then wipe the slate clean. They've got to agree to disagree but in a a fair manner. They also need to be reminded that a house divided will most assuredly fall. A marriage is work, not doubt about it. Did they just get lazy? Did they just decide one morning that they'd no longer be willing to be friends? Did they each look in the mirror one fine morn and say to themselves, "Well, I'm over this?" Yes, Torn In Two, sit them down and have them get it all out, say what needs to be said, exactly how they feel, hopefully in a fair manner. Then, let's pray that they'll consider it a "Do Over," and get on with their marriage. I'm hoping they'll remember the fact that their days are numbered, not in a morbid, death is upon us sense but in the pleasance to realize what life would, could, may be without the other in it. And again, let's pray that they'll come to an understanding that they need each other as they are a well oiled machine that has been neglected and allowed to sit and rust. Most importantly, you need to remind them that time isn’t marching on—it’s running out! Keeping It Real,  Aunt B
Further Reading Grieving on The Installment PlanLyrics | Why Do We Always Hurt The Ones We Love lyrics Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!   More Recent Articles
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