'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow - 5 new articles
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Safeway with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.
The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Police in Radnor , Pennsylvania , interrogated a suspect by placing a metal collander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
If you know where to look, you can find creepy stories on Reddit that’ll scare the living hell out of you. Here are some of the eeriest ones you should challenge yourself to read alone in the dark.
“Some years ago I was staying at my parents place looking after their cat while they were away on vacation. At a little before five am one morning I was woken to the sound of the glass on their front screen door shattering, followed by pounding on the door. I went to the door to find out what was happening.
Long story short. One of the neighbors had a grown child living with them who had a psychotic break. He attempted to murder both his parents with a big butcher knife. His mom escaped and ran to my parents house. I let her in, of course. Her arms and hands were covered in defensive wounds and she had also been stabbed several times. She ended up surviving, her husband did not. The kid committed suicide.
Scariest part I didn’t even know was the scariest part until later. At the time I let the mom in, as I was closing the door I thought I saw someone else. I opened it thinking maybe it was the dad needing help, too. No one was there so I shut the door again and went back to helping the mom. A neighbour who’d been woken up by the noise and looked out their window told me that it was the son chasing his mom up my parents front steps that I had seen. He turned away after I closed the door and went back and killed his dad instead. If I had been 5 seconds later letting her in she likely would have been killed on my parents front door step. A couple seconds faster opening the door again and he still would have been there.
So yeah, that was pretty scary.”
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2. (Lick finger and wipe on his shirt)... Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
3. Nice ass... what time does it open?
4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
7. I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Cocked Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
9. Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.
10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. You might not be the best-looking guy here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
14. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
15. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
16. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?
19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
20. My name is Mark... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
21. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
22. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
23. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
24. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anywhere you want to.
25. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
26. If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
27. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
28. Dude, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.
29. Do you sleep on your stomach? No...? Can I ???
30. Do you wash your jeans in Windex? ...because I can see myself in them.