I wonder whether the topics that New York Times Ethicist columnist Kwame Anthony Appiah covers is a pulse on issues that bother many of us these days. Here’s a short list of recent ones. A breadwinner who never said “no” to his stay-at-home wife, ...
I wonder whether the topics that New York Times Ethicist columnist Kwame Anthony Appiah covers is a pulse on issues that bother many of us these days. Here’s a short list of recent ones.
Long before working remotely was an issue, taking on freelance jobs while working full time was a thing in publishing and PR. I did it on several occasions—exciting projects, too. So I would be the last one to encourage or discourage such behavior except to state the obvious: Don’t let it impact the responsibilities and commitments of your full-time job. Also, if you signed a document that you wouldn’t accept freelance work, don’t.
When we were stationed in North Dakota many lifetimes ago, we lived, while waiting for base housing, in Glenburn, a town of 350 mostly farmers whose homes were way out of town. We became friendly with Mr. McNabb, a secondhand furniture dealer who applied my 20-something elbow grease to clean up/refinish his chairs, tables, and bed frames. I accompanied him to farm auctions in the middle of nowhere and he’d pick up most of his inventory at these gatherings.
Off we went in his rickety pickup truck on a crystal-clear day. I’d never seen such flat surroundings, uninterrupted by so much as a tree, bush, building, bird or squirrel as far as the eye could see. Suddenly the pickup stops. Without a car in sight, or anyone to report him, Mr. McNabb’s pickup stood still at this lonely red and white sign at a crossroads!
In memory of Mr. McNabb, I’d tell the cyclist to heed the light.
Do these issues relate to today’s zeitgeist? Do you relate to any of the issues posed to the Ethicist? Do you have any to propose?
A friend, Nancy Farrell, wrote this post on the train. It’s such an apt subject. I relate.
Most recently I was told that the flowers I’d bought at the farmer’s market the day before, that were very much alive when I delivered them in the morning to decorate the food tables at an event, were dead. The volunteer who delivered the news, when I asked where they were, snarled at me, turning her face into a harsh disgusted sneer. She obviously didn’t know that these flowers often don’t resemble what commercial flowers look like. Never again will I volunteer my money to enhance a usually utilitarian, depressing looking spread for what’s supposed to be a celebration.
Years ago, I wrote the introduction for the moderator of a workshop at an industry event. She walked over to me at the opening cocktail where I stood with a circle of friends. She said in a loud voice, “Thank you for writing the introduction. I kept one word. ‘The.’”
Nancy wrote:
I’ve had some negative experiences with organizations that are collecting donations. In all cases these interactions have happened with volunteers who act as if I am bothering them. Just because they aren’t paid employees doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t behave professionally because hey, I’m a volunteer too.
In one case I showed up at 9 am on a Monday when that year’s collection was supposed to start and was asked if I could come back tomorrow because they had too many donations to sort.
I said no, this is my day off and if they had too many donations one minute into this year’s drive then that means they allowed people to drop things off early. Besides I’d already sorted them and could take them to the proper storage rooms. All she had to do was point. And she did. And I did. What I didn’t do is donate to that place ever again.
Another time I called ahead because I had a lot of boxes of items and was told I could bring them over that day. When I got there the person I’d spoken to had left early and the person there told me “no no no.” I said “yes yes yes.” We went back and forth a little bit and then she said I could bring the boxes in but next time…I cut her off. I repeated that I called ahead and that she ought to speak to her colleague. I’d driven a long way and needed the room in my car as I was about to pick up my child from school. To top it all off they were collecting for a disease that my sister-in-law had died of the day before and I wanted to honor her by donating to this particular place. I haven’t donated to them since.
A friend drove several miles to drop off 50 bagels to an organization that decided last minute they weren’t going to distribute them. They sent him away with his 50 bagels.
I’ve had wonderful experiences volunteering and have formed long-lasting attachments to charities and those are places I continue to donate to. Those connections can be strengthened through communication and a little bit of common courtesy. They can also be severed by a lack of courtesy.
Have you been unhappily surprised by the reception to your volunteer efforts?
Something’s up. Lately there have been a rash of attempts to grab my money. It’s an epidemic, worse than ever.
For the longest time I hardly got any suspicious calls on mobile or home phones. Now I’m getting more and more. I don’t pick up. But I have their voice messages to prove they are knocking at my door.
Daily I get texts offering me gargantuan loans and/or jobs. Last night a text tried to get me to respond to a package delivery glitch. Right. My husband died seven years ago. He received this email: “Homer Byington, Hi this is Marcus Musigdilok from the Account Review Department. Today is Wednesday March 18th. It looks like your current credit card, personal and payday loan, and collections balances totaling 6,000 or more qualify for account resolution at reduced payment rates and even possible elimination. However, I can only keep your approval open for 24 hours. To apply your approval, call us back today at: (855)-587-4291, Thank you, Marcus Musigdilok”
A credit card I rarely use had such an enormous number of charges from two unknown sources [see screen shot of a partial list above] that when I saw them all, they took my breath away. The bank had already declined all but one. I checked a few days after the bank had closed and blocked the account and one of the companies was still trying to charge things to the old card. They had increased their grab from $10 and change to $32.71 each. I wonder why the IT security department can’t find the scofflaws.
I got a creepy demand from false Microsoft. It was so realistic I checked with my IT person who confirmed it was not from Microsoft. I was pretty sure as I’d already paid my subscription for the year but…..and the demands keep coming from these folks on both my email and in texts.
Banks are sending warning emails to customers to ask them to watch out for scams. Brian Leher had a guest address the topic recently on WNYC.
If it wasn’t profitable, the thieves wouldn’t be doing it. So take care!
Have you noticed an uptick in this kind of nefarious activity?
One of the staffers in my apartment building asked me for tips of great books to read—my favorites. He said he wanted to be a writer [and admitted that he doesn’t write much]. He said his favorite author is F. Scott Fitzgerald.
I felt unqualified to share my thoughts and went to my cousin Deb Wright, a retired teacher and member of numerous book clubs. Here’s the list she assembled.
Classics:
“Of Human Bondage,” and “The Razor’s Edge,” Somerset Maugham
“Robinson Caruso,” Daniel DeFoe
“Catch-22,” Joseph Heller
“Vanity Fair,” by William Makepeace Thackeray
“All the Beauty in the World,” Patrick Bringley
“The Great Alone” Kristin Hannah
“Clark and Division” Naomi Hirahara
“The Boys on the Boat,” Daniel J. Brown
“Frozen River,” Ariel Lawhon
And books by Isabel Allende and Ann Patchett.
He said he wants to hold a book in his hand which was my preference too until the pandemic. That’s when I bought an iPad—libraries were closed, remember–and subscribed to the vast New York City public library collection of e-books.
Do you have suggestions to add to the list? Do you read books on a tablet or on your phone or are you a paperback/hardcover fan? Do you have a favorite author?
In the pocket of this jacket are a handkerchief and Kleenex that my husband had tucked inside seven years ago.
In last year’s post, “Service of Breaking a Favorite Object,” I wrote about beloved belongings that often have more sentimental than intrinsic value. I asked if you treasure such things.
A friend sent me a recent New York Times article by Shannon Doyne, Student Opinion columnist: “What Do You Own That Holds a Special Meaning or Memory? A lucky dime, an old shirt, a sentimental piece of refuse — do you own anything that has a meaningful story behind it?”
I related to the article. I found a Kleenex and cotton handkerchief in the pocket of one of my husband’s Uniqlo jackets that I now wear. They are still there and are comforting.
To comment Doyne asked U.S. and British-based students 13 and older–and 16 and older elsewhere. “All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print,” she advised.
To get them started, Doyne provided a few examples. One man still has the “lucky” dime a friend found on the sidewalk just before he also handed him what would be his future wife’s phone number. He’s been married for four decades.
Another reported wearing his dead brother’s shirt when he feels he needs “a little extra courage or belief in myself….when I have a day when I really need to feel his friendship and support, it feels like armor.”
I picked just a few of the 61 comments from kids that Doyne posted. A large number of the students cherished mementos of grandparents or siblings who had died. The reasons, when identified, are poignant and charming. Check out the comments to the article to read more.
Here we go:
“A special item that holds a strong meaning for me is my violin.”
“The secret chest of the really lovable grandfather who I’ve never met.”
“My grandma’s hair clips are very meaningful to me, more so this week, so soon after her passing.”
“One item that holds immense sentimental value for me is my mom’s hospital bracelet, which she wore on the day I was born. This simple piece of plastic signifies the moment my life began and serves as a tangible reminder of the overwhelming love and joy that surrounded my arrival into the world.”
“I keep old birthday cards.”
“My grandma’s necklace holds a special place in my heart. Every time I wear it, it makes me feel like she is still with me. I also have a pillow with a picture of us together, that I keep close when I feel sad or I’m not in a good mood. It reminds me that I am never alone and that I will always have her by my side. One wish that I could see her one more time, see her smile, and give her a hug, like she always used to give me.”
“Everyday that I look at my father’s fire helmet I experience a mix of emotions, both happy and sad. I recall the first day he let me wear the helmet when I was little, to when it was presented to me at his funeral.”
“I own my grandpa’s fishhook as a memory. …I wear my grandpa’s fishhook on my hat because he died when I was 8, and that’s the only thing I have of his to keep me reminded of him.”
“Something I would say has a really special meaning with lots and lots of memories would be the plushies on my bed. Every single one has a memory that I hold close to me.”
“If I had to choose one cherished object, it would undoubtedly be the album that my mother meticulously compiled and decorated, starting from the very moment I was born.”
“A blanket from my childhood that means a lot to me. Every time I see it, it reminds me of being little and feeling safe and comfortable.”
“I own one of my baby brothers blankets after he passed. I own this because its something to remember him by and he used to sleep with these every night.”
“I have a sentimental item that is a Hot Wheels toy.”
“In my previous house, there is a small hooded area with trees and greenery that leads to the small gym of our high school. In that hooded area, me and my friend Bobby found almost an ‘invincible’ stick that wouldn’t break no matter what we did.”
“An object that I would share to people is my first ever cologne. It is a YSL EDT that my grandfather bought for me years ago. Although I was a child, I admired the gift and it was something that I cherish till this day. The reasoning behind why I would choose this is because it was the last gift he gave me before he passed.”
“When my brother died in 2020, I grabbed a few items that reminded me of his presence and spirit. Now, when I feel I need a little extra courage or belief in myself, I throw it on. At first I was afraid to wear it. I’m notorious for spilling food on myself. But when I have a day when I really need to feel his friendship and support, it feels like armor.”
Do you own anything that has a sentimental memory behind it?
