“My Friend Pocketed the Money From Our Charity Event. What Should I Do?,” was the headline of a recent New York Times Ethicist column.

The reader wrote: “My friend took the lead on creating wonderful things for us to sell (in addition to regular donations), and we advertised heavily about the charity we were fund-raising for, which energized everyone to contribute more because of how relevant it felt.”

They didn’t create a bank account for the event and the friend said he’d deposit the money in his account. The fellow subsequently lost his job and ghosted her for a year when she reached out to get back the money.

The reader concluded with these questions for columnist Kwame Anthony Appiah: “What do I owe my friend and what do I owe everyone who donated? Should I, being fortunate enough to have a well-paying job, suck it up and donate the amount myself? Should I let the friendship die, knowing that he essentially stole from a charitable cause?”

A partial excerpt of Appiah’s advice: “Your compassion for your friend is admirable, but personal misery isn’t an excuse for robbing a charity. Nor should you continue to conceal his misconduct in order to preserve your friendship. This man hasn’t just failed to pay up; he has betrayed everyone who organized the event and trusted him to send the money on, and he has let down everyone who bought something or donated, as well as the cause you were all supporting.”

Have you run into a thorny situation like this?

   

Tis the season for those who live in small spaces with too many clothes to make the dreaded seasonal changeover. My antique mule chest will hold my summer clothes once I remove them from the closet to make room for the winter things currently inside. I try to give away some clothes on each such occasion but never enough.

Our last moves from a house and large apartment to a small apartment in two months was like taking apart a Russian nesting doll, from bigger to smaller, at high speed. As I mentioned in an April 2019 post, my husband suggested we consider putting some things in storage. I was determined not to do that because I doubted that we’d move to a larger apartment or to a country house anytime soon or ever.

Kousha Navidar, guest host of The Brian Lehrer Show on WNYC interviewed New Yorker staff writer David Owen, who had written an article about self-storage. Navidar called the segment “What’s in Your Storage Locker?” The cliff note summary of Owen’s article from AI: It “frames self‑storage as a modern American ritual, parallel to religion, driven by accumulation and the desire to ‘hold’ possessions without using them.” In the interview Owen listed the D reasons for using the storage units: Death, Displacement, Divorce, Downsizing and Delusion that children will want stuff.

A friend uses units to store thousands of books. I never asked if she or her husband visits them. We gave away ours. Ouch. Thank goodness for e-books.

I think the units have their place for short periods as a bridge while waiting for a closing on a house or condo. Otherwise, bite the bullet. It’s no fun to leave behind favorite things. I’m the worst at it. But currently I have enough around that makes me happy and I’m grateful.

Do you use storage units?

   

In an attempt to follow a news story that doesn’t make my heart sink–hard to do these days–I’ve been weaving in and out of the Meghan/Harry move back to the UK saga on social media—especially the Meghan part.

I wondered if I only saw negative coverage because of some algorithm and checked with AI. I hadn’t been misled. Here’s what it said: “Mainstream British press outlets are overwhelmingly critical or sensationalist regarding Meghan Markle, with virtually no major UK newspaper or tabloid adopting a consistently pro-Meghan stance.”

I could have told her where she dug her hole and why she’s disliked. It’s never a good idea to knock your loved one’s country of origin even if he isn’t a member of the royal family. It can’t be so great on a personal level but to blab about your dislike publicly…ouch.

Mom’s many French friends used to tease her. They’d say they didn’t know who/what she loved more: Her French husband or France. Long after dad died, she returned to France every year for about a month, well into her 80s. If she’d had the energy, she could have met her friends, their children and grandchildren three meals a day. She was American, not always a favorite nationality of citizens of La République française. Her loyalty to their compatriot and country—and upbeat personality–did the trick.

Meghan didn’t have to go as far as mom, but she should have zipped her lip. There are millions of mixed marriages, some religious, others that combine spouses from different countries. My unsolicited advice to them is don’t do what Meghan did. Your thoughts?

   

We take a lot for granted and depend on the expertise of others. We believe that a restaurant keeps a clean kitchen, and cooks know the difference between rat poison and sugar; a car repair service’s experts fix brakes; clinicians develop safe and effective vaccines, and a doctor knows how to read an MRI.

That’s why I can only line up on the issue of AI with those who either themselves are steeped in the subject or others with topnotch advisors. Many urge for an immediate heads up.

A loud voice declaring “Hoax,” with no information backing the word, uttered from a person who does no research and doesn’t listen to those who do, doesn’t give me confidence.

When the lineup on the other side is impressive, and urges us to stop to assess, check the development of something that could lead to what Bernie Sanders called “catastrophic consequences,” I’m with them. The fellow who previously suggested a spoonful of Clorox could cure Covid doesn’t impress.

In addition to Sanders, Steve Bannon raises a red flag. Amanda Castro quoted Bannon in a Newsweek article: “by calling AI ‘the defining issue of our time,’ insisting the country must ‘slow down the pace’ before the technology outstrips human oversight.”

They are joined by the heads of AI companies urging a slowdown. Max Zahn wrote for ABCnews.com, “Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei published a blog post alerting the public to ‘serious’ risks. Sam Altman, chief executive at rival firm OpenAI, in a post on X acknowledged AI could go ‘very badly.’

“The head of xAI, Elon Musk, echoed that view, referring to a post on X from 2014 in which he said AI could prove more dangerous than nuclear weapons.”

Few dispute that AI has tremendous potential for the benefit of, for example, medical research and business efficiency. But that is not the focus of this post.

What do you think? Is the hullabaloo over AI a hoax or should we take a breath to assess before it’s too late?

   

I am surprised by what I expect to be a topnotch retail experience that disappoints.

Sandwich

I ordered a ham and Swiss on whole wheat with butter at a neighborhood high end food emporium. I learned that they only use rolls and the sandwich maker suggested I buy a loaf of whole wheat—available at the bakery section nearby–and he’d make the sandwich with that. I went with the roll. Next, he said he had no butter. The store sells a large selection of butter. Seemed strange that the sandwich maker at a boutique food emporium didn’t have standard ingredients at hand in midtown Manhattan.

Delivery

A few things I’d ordered on Amazon arrived as scheduled. Missing was the thing I needed right away. I checked the order online to learn that it wouldn’t arrive for 15 days. I was disappointed that Amazon hadn’t warned me to begin with. I’d have cancelled the order.

It’s an item I can’t find in neighborhood stores. I found another online source that carried it and checked it out—it had good ratings. But it didn’t tell me when the order would arrive. I ordered it anyway. In the confirmation it said it would ship in one or two days. Not soon enough so I found something like it–but not as good–in a store a few bus stops away. The second online order arrived in two days.

What reputable brands are still reliable?