I was surprised that procrastination showed up only once on the blog—October 2016–since 2008, in the categories covered on this blog. I used to do everything yesterday which is probably why I’m a little more relaxed now so it can take longer than ...
I was surprised that procrastination showed up only once on the blog—October 2016–since 2008, in the categories covered on this blog. I used to do everything yesterday which is probably why I’m a little more relaxed now so it can take longer than it should to send a thank you or condolence note/contribution or respond to an email, [unless it’s from a client or media], or even a text.
I’m not sure whether I should just send the check, email or response and not mention the lag time or come up with an excuse.
Some of those excuses might be:
I’ve been juggling a few deadlines but have thought of ___’s death daily since last month.
I love looking at ______ [the gift] and can’t imagine why I didn’t share my enthusiasm with you before now.
What great news about _________. I thought I responded because I was so excited when I read the note yet couldn’t find a trace of my reply.
Are you always on top of correspondence? Do you pull out excuses–or not?
I thought of this when a dear friend gave me a copy of Ann Patchett’s new book Whistler. Its cover promises a wild west yarn or a tale about horses. [I wondered, why did she select the book for me?] I’ve just started reading it, but it clearly takes place in New York City. I haven’t yet figured out the horse bit.
Some people wear their lives on their sleeves, broadcasting intimate details on social media, thrilled by the reactions and thumbs up.
It’s the others I’m thinking about.
A lifelong friend who has suffered neuropathy in hands and feet for 10 years mentioned it casually recently when she complained about the look of the sneakers she was wearing. She’d never before mentioned it.
You’d never know that some folks have financial difficulties or others are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or are living with a person losing the fight with alcoholism or are in pain—physical or psychological.
I am curious about the people I see in a restaurant, guessing what they do for a living. I wonder why a couple remains silent throughout their meal or how parents are able to ignore an unruly child who is disturbing the other patrons.
I’ve written here about how first impressions have fooled me–some disappointing and others happily astonishing me.
Has a book’s cover–paper, digital or human–surprised you?
A friend just lost her mother, G, and what a wonderful woman she was. She lived to a ripe old age and was game to travel and have fun in the city with her daughter. While they enjoyed each other’s company, she kept her independence until the end.
I am so sorry that my friend must feel the raw grief of a new loss of her dear mother. My husband used to console me when this happened to a friend, reminding me that death is natural— which while true, never made it easier then nor does it now.
Eventually, memories will help her keep her mom alive in her heart. I was lucky to have met G but not the mothers of lots of my friends, however I know them through stories about them, learning their favorite expressions and best advice.
Here’s one of my memories that makes me smile.
Mom and I shared the same sense of humor. One Sunday we—mom, dad and I–went for lunch at a new restaurant, Divan Parisien. It was no more French than a NYC pigeon, but I digress. Dad’s meat was covered in too much white, glue-like sauce. He was struggling to cut it when it slipped, flew off his plate, covering him and the table with sauce. Mom and I were laughing until tears flowed because the expression on dad’s face—he was a distinguished looking person—was pained as the waiter mopped off the mess from his clothes. Uncontrollable giggles lasted a while as the waiter cleaned the salt and pepper shakers and tablecloth. I’m surprised dad would go out with us because our hilarity, often at his expense, happened on quite a few other occasions.
My friend has truckloads of memories that will keep G close. For this she is blessed.
Do you have memories in which your mother stars that make you smile?
For over 10 years I’ve bought a prescription that has never changed. The bottle contains 90 pills and it lasts well beyond three months because I take half a pill every other day.
On occasion the drugstore reminds me that it’s time to pick up more and I explain why I don’t need more.
This year was different.
A voice message from the pharmacy said they were reaching out to my doctor to renew the prescription. I hit the ceiling. I didn’t ask them to do that nor do I need any more. I called and instructed the staff not to call.
I was thrilled to read about a new rule in NYC. According to Google AI: “New York City’s Click-to-Cancel rule, set to take effect October 1, 2026, is the first of its kind at the municipal level and is designed to make it as easy to cancel a subscription as it is to sign up,”
Highlights according to AI:
“You can’t be forced to call customer service, visit in person, or navigate multiple pages to cancel
“The rule specifically addresses deceptive practices like free trials that automatically convert to paid plans without clear notice
“Alongside cancellation rules, NYC will require upfront display of the total price at checkout, including mandatory service charges and processing fees”
What a relief!
Have you been confronted by aggressive marketing tactics?
My good friend likes to play martyr. Here are some recent examples.
She texted how she had a terrible time walking to work in the heat and bad air from Canadian fires and when I suggest she take a cab or bus, no response.
She predicts the worst for a summer outing with friends to an indoor-outdoor venue where the heat will get her as it has before forcing her to sit in the air-conditioned car and I suggested the group eat at the indoor air conditioned restaurant. She whined that you need a reservation. This is a person who eats out several times a week. Anyway, she says, she tried a few years ago and they were booked.
I love this person but the hurdles she places to her comfort can be knocked over by an infant and are so easily remedied. Any suggestions for my dealing with her without losing my temper?
Frustrated Friend
Hello FF,
It’s exasperating when the solution to a challenge is so simple and a friend refuses to address the obvious path to comfort.
My guess is that something much worse is going on in her life and that these easy-to-complain about irritations allow her to grumble without opening the door to her real pain. They are useful distractions that divert from facing something horrendous.
If this is so, grit your teeth and play along. That’s what good friends do.
