Today I take the role of advice columnist.

Hello Jeanne,

My good friend likes to play martyr. Here are some recent examples.

She texted how she had a terrible time walking to work in the heat and bad air from Canadian fires and when I suggest she take a cab or bus, no response.

She predicts the worst for a summer outing with friends to an indoor-outdoor venue where the heat will get her as it has before forcing her to sit in the air-conditioned car and I suggested the group eat at the indoor air conditioned restaurant. She whined that you need a reservation. This is a person who eats out several times a week. Anyway, she says, she tried a few years ago and they were booked.

I love this person but the hurdles she places to her comfort can be knocked over by an infant and are so easily remedied. Any suggestions for my dealing with her without losing my temper?

Frustrated Friend

Hello FF,

It’s exasperating when the solution to a challenge is so simple and a friend refuses to address the obvious path to comfort.

My guess is that something much worse is going on in her life and that these easy-to-complain about irritations allow her to grumble without opening the door to her real pain. They are useful distractions that divert from facing something horrendous.

If this is so, grit your teeth and play along. That’s what good friends do.

Jeanne

What would you advise FF?

   

Whether you are enthusiastically tech savvy or disinterested, I’d bet you have encountered an improvement or upgrade in a procedure that was neither. I’ve written about these irritating advancements since 2018. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it no longer applies.

Here’s the latest.

I live in an apartment with 510 units. We had a simple way to alert management about needed repairs and door staff had a seamless way to notify tenants of delivered packages. The system could be accessed by phone or laptop.

A few weeks ago we were given a week to sign up for the latest, newest shiny platform that  management fell for. My problem with it is that I can only access it by iPhone. I’m no stranger to my phone. I send countless texts a week, do Wordle, take photos, and wear out the poor phone. But the type is small and it is difficult for me to tap in passwords and such. I type like the wind on my laptop.

As for how the latest/greatest impacts the staff, it is a nightmare. Instead of a straightforward process, they are forced off their computer with a standard keyboard onto a small tablet to manage, for example, the package retrieval process. If a tenant received more than one package, staff can no longer check them all off at once. And they, too, are dealing with mouse type on a small device.

Have you been inconvenienced by technology lately?

   

We all know or have heard of a persnickety person or one with unreasonable expectations or habits.

I knew a husband who followed his wife around the kitchen as she made dinner. If she stirred a pot of pasta or sauce and put down the spoon, he’d grab and wash it.

Friends who entertain a lot hate it when, after a dinner party, guests wash the piles of dishes, [they don’t want a dishwasher], because nobody’s hand dishwashing skills meet their standards.

What inspired me to cover the topic was a reader of the New York Times Social Q’s column who asked Philip Galanes, “We received two wedding invitations recently that requested attire more specific than the usual cocktail, formal or black tie optional. One invitation requested that we “dress in a specific color palette. The other asked that we wear a shade of blue.”

The nerve!

“Shop your closet,” advised Galanes who thought that the request was a “friendly suggestion” inspired by a wish for color coordinated photos. He wrote that the reader should do her best but not to feel obliged to buy something new.

So many brides and grooms have an overblown view of the importance of their special day. They drag people to expensive resorts, expect them to attend countless peripheral events, anticipate outrageous gifts and are incredibly self-centered.

Have your friends or acquaintances exhibited persnickety habits or irritating requests?

   

Our country house came with an enormous custom-made canvas awning over the veranda. I was so excited to replace the decrepit one with a green and white striped one. This was a large expenditure–$3,000 in the day, in today’s dollars, $6,500.

The wonderful Hudson, N.Y. awning man said that if we didn’t mind replacing the awning every year, [gulp], he’d steer us against that choice. Between berries, leaves and bird droppings that would stain the white stripe, the awning would look shabby in a year. He knew his awnings. His company picked up awnings all over the county in fall and returned them cleaned, in spring. Installation was complicated. We took his advice.

We invited three window replacement companies to provide a proposal for a co-op we bought. We learned valuable information from each. We made the right choice with the company we chose. Our rep oversaw the project like a hawk and kept us updated. The company was not the one the super recommended.

One of the things I learned when a job went very bad when we were in our late 20s and a target for a slipshod contractor. For recommendations by a potential vendor’s clients, ask for the names of the LAST three—not the names of three customers chosen by the contractor. For us it was an expensive and stressful lesson learned.

So, who cares?

I suggest that the president heeded none of these basic tips or life lessons for the reflecting pool remodeling project. The American Flag Blue he fell in love with was like my dream of a green and white striped awning that the awning man warned would mean having to change it every year. Not a practical idea. Why wasn’t he advised that the dark color of the pool caused the water to become hot and inviting to algae? The peeling paint shouldn’t have happened so soon. Plus, he chose one contractor instead of interviewing and checking out a few, learning from each which is standard. It seemed like amateur night at the Dixie Theatre.

Have you picked up useful remodeling tips along the way?

   

There are some vintage films and TV series that consistently warn my heart. In the former, just a few are “Out of Africa,” “The King and I,” “Moonstruck,” “Brief Encounter,” “A Little Romance,” and “Roman Holiday.”

I’m having a wonderful time rewatching “West Wing,” on Netflix. The script, acting and plot twists can’t be beat. “Downton Abbey,” and the original “Law and Order,” especially with Jerry Orbach, also top the TV list. “MASH,” if I’m in the mood, “Mike and Molly,” in small doses and “Cheers” are fun to revisit.

Among new series I look forward to episodes of “All Creatures Great and Small,” “Grantchester,” and “Lincoln Lawyer” and I mourn when the series are done.

I wonder if the directors and screen writers knew that they were producing such special films/series. What are your favorites–old and new?