A friend just lost her mother, G, and what a wonderful woman she was. She lived to a ripe old age and was game to travel and have fun in the city with her daughter. While they enjoyed each other’s company, she kept her independence until the end. I am ...
A friend just lost her mother, G, and what a wonderful woman she was. She lived to a ripe old age and was game to travel and have fun in the city with her daughter. While they enjoyed each other’s company, she kept her independence until the end.
I am so sorry that my friend must feel the raw grief of a new loss of her dear mother. My husband used to console me when this happened to a friend, reminding me that death is natural— which while true, never made it easier then nor does it now.
Eventually, memories will help her keep her mom alive in her heart. I was lucky to have met G but not the mothers of lots of my friends, however I know them through stories about them, learning their favorite expressions and best advice.
Here’s one of my memories that makes me smile.
Mom and I shared the same sense of humor. One Sunday we—mom, dad and I–went for lunch at a new restaurant, Divan Parisien. It was no more French than a NYC pigeon, but I digress. Dad’s meat was covered in too much white, glue-like sauce. He was struggling to cut it when it slipped, flew off his plate, covering him and the table with sauce. Mom and I were laughing until tears flowed because the expression on dad’s face—he was a distinguished looking person—was pained as the waiter mopped off the mess from his clothes. Uncontrollable giggles lasted a while as the waiter cleaned the salt and pepper shakers and tablecloth. I’m surprised dad would go out with us because our hilarity, often at his expense, happened on quite a few other occasions.
My friend has truckloads of memories that will keep G close. For this she is blessed.
Do you have memories in which your mother stars that make you smile?
For over 10 years I’ve bought a prescription that has never changed. The bottle contains 90 pills and it lasts well beyond three months because I take half a pill every other day.
On occasion the drugstore reminds me that it’s time to pick up more and I explain why I don’t need more.
This year was different.
A voice message from the pharmacy said they were reaching out to my doctor to renew the prescription. I hit the ceiling. I didn’t ask them to do that nor do I need any more. I called and instructed the staff not to call.
I was thrilled to read about a new rule in NYC. According to Google AI: “New York City’s Click-to-Cancel rule, set to take effect October 1, 2026, is the first of its kind at the municipal level and is designed to make it as easy to cancel a subscription as it is to sign up,”
Highlights according to AI:
“You can’t be forced to call customer service, visit in person, or navigate multiple pages to cancel
“The rule specifically addresses deceptive practices like free trials that automatically convert to paid plans without clear notice
“Alongside cancellation rules, NYC will require upfront display of the total price at checkout, including mandatory service charges and processing fees”
What a relief!
Have you been confronted by aggressive marketing tactics?
My good friend likes to play martyr. Here are some recent examples.
She texted how she had a terrible time walking to work in the heat and bad air from Canadian fires and when I suggest she take a cab or bus, no response.
She predicts the worst for a summer outing with friends to an indoor-outdoor venue where the heat will get her as it has before forcing her to sit in the air-conditioned car and I suggested the group eat at the indoor air conditioned restaurant. She whined that you need a reservation. This is a person who eats out several times a week. Anyway, she says, she tried a few years ago and they were booked.
I love this person but the hurdles she places to her comfort can be knocked over by an infant and are so easily remedied. Any suggestions for my dealing with her without losing my temper?
Frustrated Friend
Hello FF,
It’s exasperating when the solution to a challenge is so simple and a friend refuses to address the obvious path to comfort.
My guess is that something much worse is going on in her life and that these easy-to-complain about irritations allow her to grumble without opening the door to her real pain. They are useful distractions that divert from facing something horrendous.
If this is so, grit your teeth and play along. That’s what good friends do.
Whether you are enthusiastically tech savvy or disinterested, I’d bet you have encountered an improvement or upgrade in a procedure that was neither. I’ve written about these irritating advancements since 2018. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it no longer applies.
Here’s the latest.
I live in an apartment with 510 units. We had a simple way to alert management about needed repairs and door staff had a seamless way to notify tenants of delivered packages. The system could be accessed by phone or laptop.
A few weeks ago we were given a week to sign up for the latest, newest shiny platform that management fell for. My problem with it is that I can only access it by iPhone. I’m no stranger to my phone. I send countless texts a week, do Wordle, take photos, and wear out the poor phone. But the type is small and it is difficult for me to tap in passwords and such. I type like the wind on my laptop.
As for how the latest/greatest impacts the staff, it is a nightmare. Instead of a straightforward process, they are forced off their computer with a standard keyboard onto a small tablet to manage, for example, the package retrieval process. If a tenant received more than one package, staff can no longer check them all off at once. And they, too, are dealing with mouse type on a small device.
Have you been inconvenienced by technology lately?
We all know or have heard of a persnickety person or one with unreasonable expectations or habits.
I knew a husband who followed his wife around the kitchen as she made dinner. If she stirred a pot of pasta or sauce and put down the spoon, he’d grab and wash it.
Friends who entertain a lot hate it when, after a dinner party, guests wash the piles of dishes, [they don’t want a dishwasher], because nobody’s hand dishwashing skills meet their standards.
What inspired me to cover the topic was a reader of the New York Times Social Q’s column who asked Philip Galanes, “We received two wedding invitations recently that requested attire more specific than the usual cocktail, formal or black tie optional. One invitation requested that we “dress in a specific color palette. The other asked that we wear a shade of blue.”
The nerve!
“Shop your closet,” advised Galanes who thought that the request was a “friendly suggestion” inspired by a wish for color coordinated photos. He wrote that the reader should do her best but not to feel obliged to buy something new.
So many brides and grooms have an overblown view of the importance of their special day. They drag people to expensive resorts, expect them to attend countless peripheral events, anticipate outrageous gifts and are incredibly self-centered.
Have your friends or acquaintances exhibited persnickety habits or irritating requests?
