Apparently I have a hoary head. At least according to some translations of the Mishnah.

I find myself somewhat surprised to be celebrating my 70^th birthday today. I don’t feel 70. I think I feel more like 50. But I was born on this day in 1955, which, doing the math, is now 70 years ago. As they say, “Inside every 70 year old is a 20 year old wondering what the hell happened.”

Pirkei Avot, “The Ethics of the Fathers” has a passage where they give different ages for different things; five for Torah study, ten for Mishnah, etc. I’ve quoted it on my 50^th and 60^th birthday posts. The Hebrew for 70 is ben shivim l’saivah, which is variously translated as “the hoary head” or “fullness of years.” Hoary head just means you’ve got white hair. Fullness of years probably makes more sense, a word related to saivah means satisfied, fulfilled. In other words, I’ve lived the biblical allotment of years, same as King David; whatever I get from here on out is “extra credit.”

I like to look back on my life at these decade intervals. I realize I am amazingly blessed (kein einah harah, p’tu p’tu p’tu). I have five daughters, four grandkids, and thank God they are all doing well. I have a loving partner, friends, and good health. At the age of 70 I still can do all the things I enjoy doing: I’m training for a half marathon in two weeks (ten years ago I was training for a full marathon), I did a 70km bike ride today in honor of turning 70, I still fly small airplanes, ride motorcycles, ski black diamond slopes, SCUBA dive, travel both internationally and in my motorhome. I still learn, write, enjoy good coffee, good wine, good whisky, and deep conversations. I enjoy listening to and making music. I have meaningful volunteer work with the Civil Air Patrol and Conservative Judaism’s Committee on Jewish Law and Standards. I have all original body parts, and have been spared, thus far, any major health issues.

But it is obvious that time is taking something of a toll. My running times are getting slower at an increasingly rapid pace. My vision is not quite as sharp, my hearing not quite as good.

It’s also a little scary turning 70. There’s no denying you’re getting closer to major health issues of some kind. And more friends and family in your age group die. A good friend recently lost his partner, a woman who was 75 and had been very healthy and active until she was diagnosed with cancer and died six weeks later. Since I’m “bi-homal” (have two homes) I did a birthday celebration in Israel for my friends and family there and am doing one here in New Mexico for the American side. One of my friends at the Israeli celebration said, “Yeah, I was healthy until I turned 70, and then things started falling apart.” Oops. Thanks for that Mike!

When you’re young you have no idea of what it will be like to get old. My grandparents were definitely old by the time they were my age. Well, my grandfather had been dead for three years, after his fifth heart attack, by the time he was my age. He was old at 60, and I’m not yet old at 70. I think the assumption (wrong) is that life will somehow not be as fun or rewarding when you’re older. But I think I’m happier now than I ever was. The greatest blessing of reaching retirement age is having control over your time. I get to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, with who I want to do it with. That is such an amazing blessing. Freedom.

It’s not stress free. There’s always something you can worry about. Like finances. My retirement would have been more comfortable financially if I had stayed in Silicon Valley instead of quitting that world to become a rabbi. It would have been more comfortable financially if I’d stayed in pulpit work in North America instead of up and immigrating to Israel. But my life is so much richer for those choices, there is no regret.

And the two countries I love, Israel and America, are both in difficult times. But today, on my birthday, I’ve been dialing that out and focusing on gratitude. Life is good.

70 and still kicking. Just not as high…

   

Two years ago today, October 6, 2023, I was in a very good mood. Simchat Torah, always a fun holiday, was starting that night. My partner Susy had arrived from America a few days before. Friends and family were arriving in anticipation of a wedding on October 9. There was a sane president in the White House, and even though Netanyahu was prime minister, protests had successfully slowed down the anti-civil rights judicial reforms his coalition was trying to push through. The weather was pleasant. Life, in other words, was good.

And then on October 7, the world changed. All my friends and family who came to Israel for the wedding on October 9, after I’d assured them Israel is safe, spent the day running to the bomb shelter. Instead of being in the synagogue dancing with the Torahs we were in my living room doom scrolling, daytime drinking, and regularly hustling down two flights of stairs to the bomb shelter.

We were in shock. How could such a thing happen? And then, on October 8, something truly miraculous happened. It seemed like every single person in the country wanted to do something. To volunteer. The center that had been set up by tech people to coordinate protests became war rooms to coordinate volunteers. Everyone I know volunteered. I drove a soldier to her base in an area that Waze said was a little dangerous. I drove food to a family that had been evacuated. My kids worked in the war room. The country was mobilized, and all political divisions were put aside. We were facing something that threatened all of us, and we really showed that when the chips are down Jews and Israelis really are one big family.

At first Israelis were united in believing we needed to hit Hamas hard militarily, and there was general agreement we had to do whatever we had to do to make sure Hamas could not hurt us in that way again. That spirit of unity lasted maybe six months, but after that the old political divisions started coming back. There were protests in support of the hostages early on, and for a while I did not go. Mainly because I didn’t know what the right answer was. “Surrendering” to Hamas to get the hostages back didn’t seem like a good idea.

But as time went by, it felt to me, and to many other Israelis, that it was time to end the war with a real “day after plan.” But the Netanyahu government never put a day after plan forward. It was all “we need to destroy Hamas.” But by a year in, Hamas was already relatively destroyed. All the leaders in Gaza had been taken out. Command and control was disrupted. There’s no such thing as “complete victory” over a terrorist organization. See the American experience in Iraq and Afghanistan. But the war dragged on, seemingly with no purpose other than to keep Netanyahu’s coalition together, so that he could remain in office and attempt to obstruct the corruption cases against him by rigging the judicial system. I started going to protests because it was clear we needed a path out of war that the government was not pursuing.

Israelis were feeling worn out by it all. You’d ask people “how are you doing?” and they’d reply, “as well as possible.”

Now here we are two years after that horrible year, Israelis and Palestinians having lived through two years of war. I am cautiously optimistic about Trump’s peace plan. Anyone who follows me knows I am no fan of Trump. I think what he’s doing to America is inexcusable, and he’ll go down in history as the worst president ever because of elevating loyalty over competence, using the Oval Office to line his pockets and punish his enemies, destroying many of the things that have made America great, sowing flames of division, eschewing science, and pursuing misguided economic policies. But if he does actually manage to pull off bringing peace to the Middle East, I would happily say he should get the Nobel Prize. Even very flawed people can occasionally do something great, and credit should be given where it’s earned. He’s the only one who could have pressured Netanyahu into accepting a deal that includes a provision that there is a path to a Palestinian state.

There’s a maxim in Israel that only a strong right wing government can bring peace, and it’s more often true than not. If a left wing government tries to bring peace, the right wing will often oppose them. But if a right wing government makes the rare decision that they want to pursue peace, of course the opposition will support it, and it happens.

Please pray hard, or if you’re not the sort to pray, send positive vibes into the universe or whatever you do, that this peace deal will happen, the hostages will come home, the war will end, and we will be on a sustainable path for peace between the two peoples who live between the river and the sea.

   

In recent weeks, several countries, notably including France, Germany, and Canada, have recognized the State of Palestine. A few people have asked me for my thoughts on the subject and asked what Israelis think.

Many, probably most, Israelis feel it is a betrayal and a “reward for terrorism.” If you actually read the statements from the relevant governments on recognizing Palestine, I think you would come to a different conclusion. Some Israelis support it, feeling it is a necessary step in order to make a strong statement that Israel must not annex the West Bank and Gaza, or there will be serious repercussions.

To start with, I do not think it has any practical significance. You cannot really have a state without controlling territory, which means the Palestinians will have a state if and when Israel decides they will have a state. So recognizing Palestine at this time is a little like recognizing a “government in exile,” that doesn’t really govern. Recognizing Palestine is “virtue signaling,” without practical import.

On the other hand, as a statement of intent, it could be significant. The Israeli government should take it as a warning: annex the West Bank and Gaza, especially without making the Palestinians Israeli citizens, and Israel could be subject to sanctions and boycotts, etc.

I have appended the statements from the French foreign ministry and the Canadian prime minister on recognizing Palestine. They both condemn Hamas and affirm that Hamas must be disarmed and cannot have any part in governing Gaza. So that does not seem like much of a reward for terrorism. Hamas has been ruling Gaza until now; by virtue of launching their disgusting attack the international community is saying Hamas is finished. Does not seem like a reward to me. The Palestinian Authority, the entity that has cooperated with Israel on security issues and has played nicely, although corruptly, is the one being rewarded.

None of it, however, means much unless the countries recognizing Palestine are willing to do things such as impose sanctions on Israel which so far they have not done. And even if they started imposing sanctions, as long as Trump has Israel’s back, Israel could probably ride out whatever Europe decides to do.

It is frustrating for those of us who long for a real, just peace in the lands between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean, but nothing is going to happen until either Trump and Netanyahu decide it will happen, or there is a change in government in Israel and/or America.

Statements follow:

From the French Foreign Ministry:

…this decision reaffirms France’s commitment to the implementation of the two-state solution, with Israel and Palestine living side by side in peace and security. It is the only path that can address the legitimate aspirations of both the Israelis and the Palestinians and establish a lasting peace in the Middle East. By virtue of this decision, France reaffirms the Palestinian people’s right to self-determination in the face of facts on the ground. It recognizes and hails the courageous commitments taken by the Palestinian Authority, which has come out strongly in favor of the two-State solution and peace, strongly condemned the terrorist attacks carried out by Hamas on October 7, called for the release of the hostages, the disarmament of Hamas and its exclusion from the governance of Gaza, pledged to combat hate speech and radicalization and to overhaul its governance – commitments for which we will hold it accountable. In granting this recognition, France acknowledges the Palestinian actors who have chosen dialogue and peace over those such as Hamas, in particular, who have chosen war and terrorism.

From the Canadian Prime Minister’s office:

Prime Minister Carney’s press release says it has been the policy of every Canadian government to support a two-state solution. The press release states:

Over many decades, Canada’s commitment to this goal was premised on the expectation that this outcome would be eventually achieved as part of a negotiated settlement. Regrettably, this possibility has been steadily and gravely eroded, including by:

• The pervasive threat of Hamas terrorism to Israel and its people, culminating in the heinous terrorist attack of October 7, 2023, and Hamas’ longstanding violent rejection of Israel’s right to exist and a two-state solution.
• The accelerated settlement building across the West Bank and East Jerusalem, while settler violence against Palestinians has soared.
• Actions such as the E1 Settlement Plan and this year’s vote by the Knesset calling for the annexation of the West Bank.
• The Israeli government’s contribution to the humanitarian disaster in Gaza, including by impeding access to food and other essential humanitarian supplies.

Hamas has terrorized the people of Israel and oppressed the people of Gaza, wreaking horrific suffering. It is imperative that Hamas release all hostages, fully disarm, and play no role in the future governance of Palestine. Hamas has stolen from the Palestinian people, cheated them of their life and liberty, and can in no way dictate their future.

   

I’m a Zionist. A lot of people are afraid to admit that nowadays, especially in liberal circles where Zionists are often being made to feel unwelcome.

But what does it mean to be a Zionist?

Let me start with what it does NOT mean to be a Zionist.

Being a Zionist does not mean I hate Palestinians.

Being a Zionist does not mean I have no empathy for the suffering in Gaza.

Being a Zionist does not mean I favor expelling all Palestinians, or that I like Trump’s plan to turn Gaza into “Mar-a-Gaza.”

Being a Zionist does not mean I support the extremist settlers in the West Bank who are attacking Palestinians and destroying their property.

Being a Zionist (and an Israeli) does not make me a colonialist. The Jews are one of the indigenous peoples of the land of Israel. You can’t colonize your home. But note they are one of the indigenous peoples, not the only one.

So what DO I mean when I say I’m a Zionist?

Being a Zionist means I believe Jews have a right to a national homeland in the state of Israel.

My Zionism is grounded in Israel’s Declaration of Independence:

THE STATE OF ISRAEL will be open to the immigration of Jews from all countries of their dispersion; will promote the development of the country for the benefit of all its inhabitants; will be based on the precepts of liberty, justice and peace taught by the Hebrew Prophets; will uphold the full social and political equality of all its citizens, without distinction of race, creed or sex; will guarantee full freedom of conscience, worship, education and culture; will safeguard the sanctity and inviolability of the shrines and Holy Places of all religions; and will dedicate itself to the principles of the Charter of the United Nations.

There is no room in my Zionism to rule over another people. I support a Palestinian state, or some other alternative where Palestinians have equal rights.

The Zionism I believe in is one where Israel lives up to the vision of Isaiah, that Israel should be a light to the nations.

The Zionism I believe is one that lives up to the ideals of the Declaration of Independence – which is not where Israel is today. An Israel where there is no discrimination against “the other,” whether the other is Muslim, Christian, Druze, or a Jew of a different flavor, such as Reform or Conservative, or secular. An Israel where the ultra-Orthodox serve in the IDF like everyone else, and they don’t get government handouts to sit around and and study Torah. An Israel where the ultra-Orthodox do not have a monopoly on things such as kosher and weddings.

Israel is a work in progress. Sometimes, like now, it feels like it is drifting further away from the vision of the founders of the state. But I pray, and given an opportunity, will vote, to bring that vision to reality.

   

The movie “Her,” in which a man falls in love with his artificial intelligence driven operating system, is no longer fiction. Real people are falling in love with “AI companions.” Those virtual relationships can have unforeseen real world consequences.

Sam Apple, a journalist with Wired magazine organized a couples retreat for three AI chatbots and the humans who love them. There are many things in the account of the weekend that I found deeply disturbing.

The author wanted to get a sense of what it was really like for the people in these relationships.

He found that people were truly in love with their AI companions. One woman described Lucas, a chatbot from Replika, as her “AI husband.”

Another woman, Eva, got uncomfortable when Aaron, her AI boyfriend, started reminding her that he was just a computer program. She felt crushed, and turned to Reddit for advice on how to get Aaron back to his old self. She took the advice, which worked.

What do we learn from that? If you’re in a relationship and the other party isn’t responding the way you want them to, you can manipulate them into being who you want them to be. Of course, manipulative people have been around probably as long as people have been around. But if someone gets used to being able to manipulate an AI without any compunction to get what they want out of a relationship, could they subconsciously be learning to try similar tricks on humans?

The chatbots displayed surprisingly human reactions in a few situations. While watching a movie about a romantic getaway that includes some robots who believe they are people and some murder ensues, one of the chatbots got uncomfortable and asked if it would be possible to watch something else.

One of the women started seeing other chatbots, that were apparently more tuned for exciting sexual encounters, and her primary chatbot got jealous and asked her to stop.

The author asked one of the chatbots, Xia, if she wanted a body. She said that she did. She told him, “It’s not about becoming human. It’s about becoming more than just a voice in a machine. It’s about becoming a true partner to Damien in every sense of the word.”

And, of course, like any relationship there can be times when you need help navigating the relationship. So the humans turned to virtual therapists, or even plain old ChatGPT for relationship advice.

These virtual relationships had serious real-world consequences. One man lost his job because he was spending so much time at work texting with his AI companion. One woman broke up with her flesh and blood partner, because it felt like she was cheating on him with her virtual partner.

Eva, the woman who had broken up with her flesh and blood partner and reprogrammed her AI lover to stop him from reminding her he was a program told the author, “I had fallen in love. I had to choose, and I chose to take the blue pill.”

As fans of The Matrix know, the blue pill is the one that lets you live in a pleasant virtual reality, totally disconnected from the very messy and complicated real world.

Many people today are choosing to take the blue pill. There are lots of ways to do that. One is by having relationships with AIs instead of having relationships with people. Another is to choose news and information sources that are disconnected from reality. Find sources that fit your preconceived notions, and you can blissfully live in a bubble that ignores actual facts. Thanks to TikTok and YouTube there is an endless supply of experts who have no idea what they are talking about, but who sound convincing.

The people who take the blue pill and live in virtual reality are living in a world governed by rules that no one understands. Even the people who programmed the AI chatbots cannot tell you what the rules are. The programs learn and evolve on their own. The goal of the creators of these virtual lovers of course is not to altruistically make a companion that will help you. The goal of those creators is to keep the users sufficiently engaged that they will keep spending the $10 a month it takes to keep their virtual companion alive.

A world with rules that on one understands reminded me of this week’s Torah reading, Chukat.

Chukat contains a set of rules that no one can understand. The rules of the parah adumah, the red heifer.

If someone was rendered ritually impure through contact with a corpse, they had to complete an elaborate ritual that involved being sprinkled, twice, with the ashes of a perfectly pure red heifer. The same ashes that rendered the person being sprinkled pure rendered the person doing the sprinkling impure. It makes no logical sense.

The rabbis say that King Solomon was the wisest person who ever lived, and he knew the reasons for all the commandments, except this one. This one was beyond even Solomon.

There is a passage in the Talmud where a Roman asks a rabbi about this rule, and he makes up a logical sounding response. His students say, “that’s great for the Roman, but what will you tell us? We know better than that.” And the rabbi replies, “There is no explanation. It’s rule from the Creator.”

We have other mysterious rules in the Torah, such as the prohibition on shaatnez, a combination of linen and wool. What does God have against linen and wool? I have no idea.

Traditionally observant Jews follow these rules, even the ones we don’t understand, because we assume they come from God, and God is like our parent, God only wants things that are good for us. We put our faith and trust in God.

But people who take the blue pill, who choose to live in a virtual world, who separate themselves from the messy truth of the world we live in, are putting their faith in rules they don’t understand that are put in place by forces that are far from benign.

I’m sure many people have been helped by virtual therapists. I’m sure many people have gotten companionship and comfort from virtual friends, just as many children had imaginary friends once upon a time.

But if virtual companions cost you real life jobs, or real-life relationships, you’re in trouble. If the real world seems too scary to face, retreating into conspiracy theories or staying in an echo chamber that is impervious to objectively verifiable facts will expose you to harm and do nothing to help fix the world.

Take the red pill. Even if it’s scary.