Important Conversation Technique To Deal With Conflict By Ange Fonce The most Important Conversation Technique to learn to deal with conflict in relationships. “I can’t believe you did that.” Brenda sat, stunned. “I’m so mad at you!” “Why? ...
Have you ever been with someone who seemed ideal in the beginning of your relationship and then later... sometimes much later... you realized were definitely not meant to be together?
Several years ago, I was in a long-term relationship with a woman I was convinced was my soul mate. I told anyone who would listen that she was “the one.”
We laughed at the same jokes, listened to the same music and enjoyed the same movies. On paper, we were the perfect match.
Yet as time passed, I noticed some pretty serious incompatibilities in our personalities.
Whereas I was Type A and needed to hit the ground running in the morning, she preferred to ease into her day. That meant that, quite often, I found myself waiting impatiently. I swear the more impatient I became, the slower she moved.
In addition, I am more extrovert while she was a self-described introvert. I deferred to her. My resentments piled up. In the end,...
What is the difference between a novice social artist and an expert one?
No, it is not routines.
It is not an unshakeable inner game.
It is not even experience.
The difference between a novice and an expert is this:
The expert understands and follows the model of building a relationship while the novice freestyles and leaves it to chance.
To clarify, things can be spontaneous and in the moment and will not always follow some cookie cutter flow chart, yet you will build better connections if you have the understanding of how to do that. Some people are natural experts at this.
If I can pinpoint one of the most impactful pieces of advice that I can give, is that if you want to build any kind of relationship, you have to follow that model to gain that understanding.
Many people are able to get into conversations pretty easy yet after a few minutes, the conversation slowly died, and they would politely excuse...
I hear all the time when people sign up to work with me 1-1, or when they want to join my programs, they want to know how fast can they be successful.
How fast can they get from A to B?
How fast can they get their goals?
And my answer to them is, I do not know.
I do not know how long it is going to take to be successful.
I do not know how long it is going to take to get your first goal... and I have been coaching for over 10 years.
And what I have learned is that it is impossible to answer this question because everyone's background is different. Everyone's circumstance, skillset, fears and doubts are different and unique.
And if it was as simple as trying to solve a Rubik's cube, or putting a 500 piece puzzle together, we could estimate that easier. Yet, when it comes to acquiring a successful coaching goal or relationship, it is a lot more complicated.
That said, what I do think is that your success is inevitable...