When He Pulls Away Do Not Do This By Ange Fonce I wanted to start this article with an email I recieved from a long term reader and for you to see her question... Hi Ange. I have many of your articles about mistakes in relationships and I have to admit ...
I wanted to start this article with an email I recieved from a long term reader and for you to see her question...
I have many of your articles about mistakes in relationships and I have to admit I cried. You are totally right!
Because I recently started spending a lot of time with a guy I used to know. We had an instant connection and he was exactly as you said: affectionate at first, initiating plans etc, then I made not one mistake but ALL of those you mentioned in your email, and as you said.... he pulled away big time.
The attraction's gone for him now. What I want to know is, is there any way I can reverse the damage I have caused? Can I get my friendship with him back on track? Is it possible he may learn to feel again what he once felt for me? Please help. I'm at my wits end and I really do miss having him in my life. I would be grateful for any advice you could give me on this matter.
Having spoken to and coached people, I have noticed that one of the biggest hurdles people have to get over regarding social intelligence is this:
The ability to express your life as a story.
The ability to listen and understand the story other people are trying to express.
Without this ability it is hard to make friends, it is hard to find new opportunities, it is hard to have adventures, it is hard to land meet up's and nearly impossible to get those meet up's to workout for you.
And whether you like it or not, everything you ever do and ever say is a part of your story.
Your style is part of the story.
Your body language is part of the story.
Your words and the way you use them are part of the story.
Your friends and acquaintances are part of the story.
Your skills, hobbies and talents are part of the story.
Your job and all the work you have ever done is part of the story.
There are times when quitting is a positive move to do.
I will be the first to admit that this statement sounds insane and is utterly counter to everything we were raised to believe.
You see, there is this idea that we should never give up, and that we are quitters or losers if we do.
It is false.
If something is not working or benifitting you... why keep doing it?
Look, I get that this desire to never quit is coming from a good place. The idea is to develop resiliency, grit, and self discipline. Those are the most important things a person can have. And it is because of those attributes, not despite it, that we need to understand the value of quitting.
Because if you never quit, you will always be stuck with what you have and if you are stuck with what you have and it is not helping you grow and make your life better... again why are you doing it?