“Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.” ~Brian Tracy There was a time when I thought peace was a destination, in much the same way I imagined I’d eventually arrive at happiness or … The post 40 Ways to Create ...

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40 Ways to Create Peace of Mind

“Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.” ~Brian Tracy

There was a time when I thought peace was a destination, in much the same way I imagined I’d eventually arrive at happiness or success.

It seemed like something I needed to chase or find—definitely not something I could experience without dramatically changing my life.

I needed to work less, relax more, and generally revamp my circumstances and relationships in order to be a peaceful person.

Despite seeing peace as an endpoint, I also saw it as something passive; after all, that’s why I was so stressed: I had so much to do.

I’ve since realized that peace is always available, and like any desirable state of mind, it requires effort, even if that effort entails consciously choosing to be still.

Sure, our circumstances affect our mental state, but they don’t have to control them, not if we make tiny choices for our well-being.

Admittedly, it’s not easy to choose peace when we’re going through tough times. I still go through periods when I get caught up in worries and stresses, and it can feel like that’s the only available response to things that have happened.

But it’s not. There are countless things we can do to create peace of mind, both in response to events in our lives, and proactively, everyday.

If you’d also like to develop a greater sense of peace, you may find these suggestions helpful:

Meditation

1. Take five to ten minutes for a simple seated meditation.

2. Take 100 deep breaths, counting “and one,” “and two,” and so on, with “and” on the inhalations and the numbers on the exhalations.

3. Take a meditative walk, focusing solely on the physical sensations of walking—the earth under your feet, the swing of your hips.

4. Find a guided meditation on YouTube and let it lull you into a blissful state of presence.

5. Practice alternate nostril breathing. Hold the left nostril down and inhale through the right; then hold the breath. Release the left nostril, hold the right one down, and exhale through the left. Now start on the left with an inhalation, exhaling on the right. This is one set. Do up to five of them.

Communication

6. Write down everything that’s weighing you down mentally and then burn it as a form of letting go.

7. Write down everything you’ve learned from a difficult experience so you can see it as something useful and empowering instead of something to stress you out.

8. Tell someone how their actions affected you instead of holding it in and building resentment.

9. Call someone you’ve denied forgiveness and tell them you forgive them.

10. Apologize for a mistake instead of rehashing it, and then choose to forgive yourself.

Creativity

11. Engage in a little art therapy; grab some crayons, markers, or paint and put all your feelings on the page.

12. Create a peace collage. Include images that make you feel relaxed and at ease. (Google “peace collage” and you’ll get lots of ideas!)

13. Meditate on your favorite peace quote and then write it in calligraphy for framing.

14. Take a walk with the sole intention of photographing beautiful things that make you feel at peace, like a tree with colorful autumn leaves.

15. Write a blog post about what gives you peace of mind. (This has been a calming experience for me!)

Activity

16. Get up and dance to your favorite song, focusing solely on the music and the movement. Get into your body and get out of your head!

17. Take a long walk on the beach, focusing on the feel of the sand between your toes and the sound of the crashing waves. Cliché, but highly effective!

18. Go for a bike ride in a scenic part of town, and immerse yourself in the calm of your environment.

19. Take five to ten minutes for stretching, syncing your breath with the movements (or if you have an hour, visit a local studio for a yoga class).

20. Declutter a cluttered part of your home, creating a more peaceful space.

Acceptance

21. Muster compassion for someone who hurt you, instead of wallowing in bitterness, which will make it easier to forgive them and set yourself free.

22. Set aside some time to actively enjoy the good things about the present instead of scheming to create a better future.

23. Create a list of things you love about yourself instead of dwelling on how you wish you were different.

24. Focus on what you appreciate about the people in your life instead of wishing they would change (assuming you’re in healthy relationships).

25. Recognize if you’re judging yourself in your head with phrases like “I should have” or “I shouldn’t have.” Replace those thoughts with, “I do the best I can, my best is good enough, and I’m learning and growing every day.”

Solitude

26. Start reading that book you bought about dealing with the challenge you’ve been facing.

27. Schedule a date with yourself, a time when you don’t need to meet anyone else’s requests, and do something that feeds your mind and spirit. Go to a museum or take yourself to your favorite restaurant and simply enjoy your own company.

28. Sit in nature—under a tree, on a mountain—and let yourself simply be.

29. Be your own best friend. Tell yourself what’s on your mind, and then give yourself the advice you’d give a good friend who had the same issue.

30. Repeat some positive affirmations that help you feel present, peaceful, and empowered.

Connection

31. Tell the truth in your relationships. When we hold in our true feelings, we create stress for ourselves. Be kind but honest and share what you really feel.

32. Catch critical, blaming, or self-victimizing thoughts. Instead of ruminating on what someone else did wrong, express yourself and ask yourself what you can do to create the change you’re seeking.

33. Have fun with someone you love. Forget about everything that feels like a problem and do something silly and childlike.

34. Connect with someone online who can relate to what you’re going through and create a mutually supportive relationship by sharing and listening.

35. Let someone into your self-care routine—ask a friend to join a yoga studio with you, or invite your sister to jog with you on the beach.

Contribution

36. Volunteer your time to help a charity you believe in. Put all your energy into helping someone else, and you will inadvertently help yourself.

37. Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Animals are naturally present, and it’s contagious!

38. Do something kind for someone else without expecting anything in return. If they ask what they can do for you, tell them to pay it forward.

39. Leverage your passion to help someone else (i.e.: if you’re an aspiring designer, design a logo for a friend). You get to get in the zone doing something you love; someone else gets support they need. A win/win!

40. Leverage your purpose to serve someone else, not for money—just because. That might mean helping them pursue their passion, or motivating them to reach their fitness goals. Whatever gives your life meaning, give it to someone freely.

As is often the case with these types of list, this can seem a little long and overwhelming. The important thing is that we do at least one tiny thing every day to create mental stillness. What helps you create peace of mind?

This post was originally published in 2012.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post 40 Ways to Create Peace of Mind appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

     




Why We Feel the Need to Explain Ourselves and Justify Our Choices

“You are responsible for your intention, not your reception.” ~Amy E. Smith

I've realized that I put a lot of energy into trying to explain my decisions. Sometimes those explanations are an honest attempt to connect with another person or to step a little further out of hiding. Often, they are a result of my own self-doubt and desire for people to like me.

For example, I feel an obligation to say yes to any invitation or request I receive. Sometimes I'm glad to agree, other times I'd prefer to do something else. It gets tricky when the thing I'd prefer to do seems unimportant.

Wanting a quiet night at home doesn't seem like a valid reason to decline an invitation to go out. So I come up with all the reasons I can't go—I'm exhausted and maybe feeling a little sick and I have a lot I need to get done the next day and… and… and…

For some reason, “because someone asked” is a sufficient reason to say yes, but in order to say no I feel I have to prove that I have an abundance of important and inescapable circumstances getting in the way.

Recently I had a conversation that prompted me to think more deeply about when, how, and why I choose to explain myself to others. I was explaining my choice, but for very different reasons.

I had decided to step down from a leading a discussion group and agreed to meet with the woman who would have to find my replacement. I didn't have to explain why I was leaving. I could have given a generic reason or declined to give any reason at all.

Instead, I chose to offer a fuller explanation. I was quitting because I felt like I had to hide part of myself in order to meet the expectations of the role. I didn't want to keep hiding who I was and, for me, an important piece of being more visible was offering an honest explanation of why I was leaving.

In this instance, explaining wasn't about caretaking her feelings or making sure she would still like me. It was about saying what I really thought and felt instead of letting her continue to think I was who she imagined me to be. Even if she didn't understand or was disappointed in me, I wanted to be seen.

We offer (or don't) an explanation of our choices for a variety of reasons. We can be motivated by fear, guilt, or self-doubt. We can also be honoring ourselves and others.

There isn't a straightforward answer to the question of how much to explain and when. While there may be some truth to the idea that we don't owe anyone an explanation, there are still plenty of situations when explaining is the right choice for us.

Becoming more aware of the reasons behind my urge to explain myself helps me make better choices about how much to share. Here are some motivations I've noticed. What would you add?

We're trying to control the other person's response.

It's uncomfortable to be around someone who is angry or hurt or disappointed. If we're giving someone information we fear they won't like, it's tempting to pile on explanations. We believe if we can give a compelling enough reason for our choice, we can ensure the other person will see things our way.

If we have a good enough excuse for declining their invitation, then maybe they won't take it personally and be hurt. If we have enough solid reasons for our choice, maybe they won't be mad that we didn't follow their advice.

Maybe if we can make them understand, then they will still like us.

We're trying to ease our own feeling of guilt.

Choosing something another person might not like can prompt feelings of guilt in us. When we feel guilty about our decision, we often turn to explanations and excuses to convince the other person and ourselves that we have a very good reason for choosing the way we did.

Many of us believe, whether we realize it or not, that other people's wants, needs, and feelings are more important than our own. We believe saying no or declining an invitation is selfish or rude. We think that in order to be kind, generous, and likable we have to be unfailingly agreeable and accommodating.

We're insecure about our own choices and want the other person to validate our decision.

No matter what we decide, there will likely be someone who doesn't agree with our decision. It doesn't matter if the choice is around career, education, parenting, wardrobe, reading material, cleaning supplies, diet, or paint color. While it doesn't feel great to have people disagree with us, we're less impacted by their opinion if we are confident about our own choices.

On the other hand, if we are unsure about our decision, we often look to others for reassurance. We over-explain in the hope that the other person will understand and come around to our point of view. Often, it's not really about the other person changing their mind as much as it is about needing external approval for our own choices.

We want to foster a closer, more open connection with the other person.

Sometimes we choose to honestly share what's going on for us with the people we care about most. We take the time to be clear about our reasons and intentions in order to increase depth and authenticity in our relationship.

In this instance, we are not as concerned about making someone see things our way. We're trusting them to support us whether they agree with our decision or not. Our explanation is not a form of persuasion or manipulation but a sign of respect and a chance for the other person to get to know us better.

We have been hiding.

Some of us have a habit of staying silent in order to not disrupt others' good opinion of us. If we stay quiet, others will often fill in the blanks about who we are with their idea of who they think we should be. It can feel safer to let them think they know us—they might not like us if we share more of who we really are.

But there are times when the divide between who we are and how others see us becomes too great and we're no longer content to stay hidden. We may be tired of feeling disconnected and unseen or want to practice more visibility and integrity.

As we take steps toward greater visibility, people may pushback against the change. We might try to explain for one of the reasons above—to try to ensure they'll understand and still like us. We might, instead, decide to be open and honest about who we are and where we are, whether or not anyone else understands.

So how do we know when and how much to explain? Every situation is different and there's not an answer that's always right. Taking a closer look at the reasons behind my urge to explain is key but identifying our real intentions can be a challenge. The following questions can help us explore our motivations from a few different angles.

How will I respond if they don't like my explanation?

How we are impacted by the possibility of an unfavorable response can give us a clue about our motivations for explaining. Imagine the other person disagreeing with your explanation. What will you do?

Will you rush to explain again, more thoroughly and clearly? Will you feel guilty and change your mind? Will you be proud of yourself for being honest whether or not you would be understood?

As a note, the emotions you experience about their response don't necessarily indicate that what you chose is right or wrong. You can feel sad, frustrated, or hurt by the other person's response while also feeling proud of your decision and the way you handled yourself.

What does it mean about me if they don't agree with my decision?

This is where we can gain insight into some of our biggest fears. If we believe their disagreement means something bad about us, we might feel compelled to explain why they should see things our way—even if it means exaggerating or only telling part of the truth.

If, on the other hand, we can see that their disagreement doesn't necessarily indicate whether our decision was right or wrong, then we can be more confident that any explanations we choose to give are motivated by connection or respect.

What do I hope my explanation will accomplish?

Whether you're hoping for deeper connection and understanding, to avoid something you don't want to do, or to win approval, getting clear about your goal will help you understand your reason for explaining.

Are you looking for reassurance about your decision? Do you need to step into greater visibility? Are you trying to decline an invitation without hurting anyone's feelings?

Try to look below the surface answer. For example, if you hope your explanation will change someone's mind, asking yourself why that's important to you may reveal another motivation.

What if the situation were reversed?

How would you feel if the person you invited assumed they needed to make up lots of excuses to keep you from getting upset with them for declining? What if someone was hiding their opinions and preferences and needs in deference to yours? What if they depended on you to validate their ideas when they couldn't trust themselves?

We tend to hold ourselves to a different standard. Switching roles can help shake up our assumptions and give us an opportunity to treat others as we would like to be treated.

So what do we do?

Explaining doesn't come with a set of rules, but here are a few thoughts that are helping me make choices about when and how to explain.

Get clear about your intention. Why do you really want to explain? Who do you want to be in this situation? Remember, you don't have to agree to be kind.

Keep it simple. Longer explanations don't necessarily bring greater understanding. What is the most important thing you want the other person to know?

“Thanks so much for thinking of me! I won't be joining you this time, but I hope you have lots of fun.” Isn't that way simpler (and kinder) than a string of excuses or agreeing with resentment?

This takes practice. Our explanation habits won't change overnight. Take the time you need to get clear on your intentions and think through how you really want to respond. It's ok to let the other person know you'll need to get back to them later.

You likely won't get your explanation just right every time—I don't think any of us do. Be gentle with yourself. See what you can learn for next time and keep practicing. Remember, you don't have to be perfect.

I'd love to know, what are the main reasons you explain your choices? What helps you offer explanations out of respect (for self or others) instead of fear? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

About Johanna Schram

Johanna Schram is learning to value wrestling with the questions over having all the answers. She’s sifting through the internal and external expectations of who she is supposed to be to discover who she really is, what she values, and what she has to give. Join her at joRuth and deepen your self-knowledge with her free guides.

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post Why We Feel the Need to Explain Ourselves and Justify Our Choices appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

     




Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself On Sale for 99 Cents

 

Hi friends! I’m pleased to announce that the eBook version of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself has been selected for The Great Autumn eBook Sale, which is offering twelve powerful eBooks for just 99 cents each, from now until October 19th.

About Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself

Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself  shares forty unique perspectives and insights on topics related to loving yourself, including:

  • Realizing you’re not broken
  • Accepting your flaws
  • Releasing the need for approval
  • Forgiving yourself
  • Letting go of comparisons
  • Learning to be authentic

Featuring stories selected from hundreds of Tiny Buddha contributors, this book can help you overcome critical, self-judging thoughts to create a peaceful, empowered life.

Some of the other titles in The Great Autumn eBook Sale include:

  • Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Little Book of Wisdom
  • Communication Miracles for Couples
  • Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment
  • A Year to Clear: A Daily Guide to Creating Spaciousness in Your Home and Heart 

Click here to see the full list of 12 bestselling titles you can choose from for only 99 cents each.

The reduced prices are only available through midnight on Thursday October 19th, so be sure to act quickly if you want to take advantage of this unique opportunity to load up your eReader while saving big.

If you’d rather grab a hard copy of Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself, you can get one on Amazon here. Or, if you’re more drawn to my latest book, Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal, you can find that here.

Happy Wednesday!

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post Tiny Buddha’s Guide to Loving Yourself On Sale for 99 Cents appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

     




How to Cope with a Toxic and Estranged Family Relationship

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” ~Unknown

You two are family. Maybe you grew up with them and were by their side for a huge chunk of their life. There was a lot of laughing, crying, and sharing. Some fighting too.

You know how their brain works probably better than anyone else. But sometimes, in adulthood, those closest to you can become unrecognizable—estranged, cold, and careless. For no apparent reason, you find yourself shut out of their life. Your peace-feelers are increasingly rejected. You’ve been left out in the cold.

There is always a reason why people turn out the way they do. But, sometimes the metamorphosis is so gradual that it sneaks up on you, and one day, you wake up and wonder, “How did it come to this?”

You want them back. So you start to question and blame yourself. Was it the time I chose to go to the party instead of keeping her company? Was it when I used his things without asking? What did I do to deserve this? What can I do to make it better?

While it's good to ask yourself such questions, sometimes the lesson you are meant to learn is to let go of the memory of who they were and accept who they have become.

This is based on my own relationship with my sister. We’d always been close, and when I was growing up, I looked up to her as my role model. I was shy, nerdy, and runty. She was pretty, popular, and good at sports.

But after she went to college and, four years later, I followed suit on another continent, our lives didn’t really intersect. When we did meet, we’d butt heads about a lot of things. She had grown bitter in the years post high school, while I’d grown up, become assertive, and was impulsively exploring the world. Still, despite our differences, I thought we’d always be there for one another.

Then she got married to a man who doesn’t get along with me or our parents. They began living in a strange emotional autarky.

She grew very cold, defensive, and resentful toward our family and began to cut me out of her life. I tried to reach out and mend the relationship, but she refused to open up. She’s always been proud that way.

One day when I told her I loved her and wished we could be close like before, she replied, “That was a long time ago.”

Over the last few years, the relationship has really gone downhill. I’ve struggled with the hurt of “losing” my sister, as well as feelings of self-blame as I struggled to find a reason for her change. I have racked my brain for memories of what I could’ve done wrong, but my mind draws a blank.

Then, I decided I didn’t want to dwell on feeling hurt any longer. I didn’t want to keep longing for and trying to rekindle the sisterhood we once had.

I have come to realize my sister is not the person I once knew, and I have to accept that, learn to let go, and move on. That is how I decided to take certain decisions for the sake of my own happiness and mental health.

I hope this advice can help those who may be experiencing a toxic and estranged relationship with a family member with whom they had once been close.

1. Identify in what ways the relationship may be toxic and how it makes you feel.

A toxic relationship can manifest in many ways. Perhaps your relative always puts you down, lacks empathy, acts passive-aggressive, or ignores you when you speak.

Once you have pinpointed the person’s patterns of behavior, become aware of how this affects your mood, body language, energy levels, self-esteem, and peace of mind. Knowing how to recognize toxicity and its effects is the first step to understanding your feelings and empowering yourself to deal with the situation.

2. Accept that you may never find the root cause for your relative’s behavior.

People do therapy for years—there’s never a simple answer. You may be able to talk to your relative to find out why s/he acts a certain way. You may not. Sometimes, the reason why a person treats you badly may not have anything to do with what you’ve done, but might just be the way they process and respond to their own life experiences. Hardships may strengthen one person and make another bitter.

In any case, try to reframe toxicity by understanding it tends to come from a place of unhappiness or discontent. People’s hurtful actions will then become less hurtful to you when you realize they reflect their inner state rather than you.

3. Do not normalize toxicity.

If you have done nothing wrong, don’t forget it is not normal for anyone to continually be negative, inconsiderate, and hurtful toward you. It is very easy to lose perspective about what is right and wrong, especially when you are constantly justifying a person’s behavior with stories of their past traumas or hardships.

People tend to make concessions for difficult or estranged loved ones because they wish to forgive and forget, avoid conflict, or do not want to push the person farther away. Empathy is good, but it cannot be used to keep making excuses for terrible behavior. Sometimes you need to set limits and say “enough!” before such behavior becomes the new normal.

4. Don’t expect anything from your estranged relative.

Yes, you might expect your family to have your back because you’d do the same, but don’t count on it with an estranged relative with whom you struggle to maintain a relationship. I’ve learned not to be dependent or expect any help from my sister, even though I grew up believing that’s what siblings should do for one another.

5. Realize it takes two people to fix a relationship.

As much as you try, if the other person is not ready or not willing, you may not fix much. The relationship will remain toxic for as long as the person is unable to change. You cannot blame yourself for it. You have done your best.

6. Decide how much space you want to give them in your life.

You will probably encounter your relative again at family gatherings, or you may need to communicate with them about family matters. In this case, minimize the amount of time you spend in their presence and keep communication to a minimum.

Sometimes, though, you may need to cut them out of your life entirely, whether permanently or momentarily. Keeping a space open for them and constantly making the effort to reach out is emotionally exhausting.

Once you have deemed you have tried enough and done your best, don’t feel guilty about drawing the line and deciding that enough is enough.

7. Don’t bottle things up.

Communicate your feelings to people you trust. If the person knows your relative, you may learn that they also share the same feelings of hurt and disappointment in dealing with him/her.

Talking through your feelings is therapeutic and helps you acquire perspective about the situation.

In my case, my parents also have a toxic relationship with my sibling, and I found that letting them talk about it and encouraging them not to bottle things up has been a great release for them.

8. Refrain from frequently gossiping about your relative, especially to a wide circle of people.

There is a difference between sharing your feelings with people you trust and constantly focusing all conversations on this individual and what s/he did or said. You risk getting into the habit of speaking badly of someone, and the conversation will often just keep going around in circles. Also, the negative talk can return to your relative’s ears and feed the cycle of negativity and estrangement.

Instead, decrease the mental and emotional energy spent thinking about your relative, and focus on the positive aspects of your life and your loved-ones’ lives.

9. Don’t give your relative an opportunity to blame you.

People like my sister are often extreme narcissists who blame everyone but themselves. It is important not to give him or her ammunition for this blame-game. If he/she always shows up late, acts rude, never tidies up, or uses your things, resist the temptation to do the same in return. Do the right thing and s/he won’t be able to reproach you for anything.

10. Accept you may not be able to have a frank, heart-to-heart conversation.

My sister goes through life demonstrating a character devoid of vulnerability or weakness. If you are faced with an emotionally inaccessible and excessively proud individual, you may have to accept the fact that you may never have that cathartic moment of truth you so crave. Strive for closure on your side and move on.

11. Shift your focus.

Do not dwell on the pain and hurt of “losing” a relative. Don’t focus on trying to grapple with the toxic relationships in your life. Build upon the positive ones you have instead. Accept the cards that life has dealt you and make the best of them. Live your life and cultivate your soul. Be content and grateful for what you have and who you are, for that is more than enough to fill a heart with happiness!

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The post How to Cope with a Toxic and Estranged Family Relationship appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

     




20 Things You Don’t Have to Apologize For

If you’re anything like me, you apologize far too often, and most of the time, when you haven’t done anything wrong.

Sometimes we apologize for things beyond our control—like bad weather during a party we’re hosting.

Sometimes we apologize when someone else was actually in the wrong—when a waiter brings us food not cooked to our specifications, for example.

And sometimes we apologize for life choices we have every right to make—like the decision to change jobs, or end a relationship.

We’re wired to seek a sense of belonging, and we fear being ostracized from our tribe, so many of us lean toward excessive contrition to ensure we’re still in people’s good graces.

We may also apologize because we’re highly sensitive to other people’s feelings, and we want to ensure we haven’t unintentionally caused them pain.

Particularly if you were abused at some point, it can feel imperative to express remorse for potential slights and offenses, since this could minimize the risk of retaliation. But by doing this, we’re undermining ourselves and reinforcing a sense of guilt and subservience.

It’s admirable to apologize when we’ve genuinely done something wrong, or even if we believe we inadvertently hurt someone else. But there are certain choices we need to own, and need never apologize for.

Since this topic has been on my mind lately, I decided to ask Tiny Buddha Facebook followers this question a couple weeks back:

What’s one thing we should never apologize for?

More than 2,000 people responded, many with variations of the same ideas. Below is a short list of the ones I found most compelling.

You Never Have to Apologize For…

1. Removing someone from your life that repeatedly crosses your boundaries. ~Bonnie Romano

2. Being who we are, and feeling our feelings. ~Courtney Redd-Boynton

3. Trusting your instincts, even if you can't explain it. ~Kate Willette

4. We should never apologize if we're not truly sorry. I don't believe in apologizing because someone ‘demands' an apology. ~Olga Baez Rivera

5. Quality “me” time (taking care of ourselves). ~Nath Ray

6. Your opinion—there is no right or wrong opinion, and there'd be a lot less arguments if more people could just respect and appreciate different insights. ~Jennifer Werner Mader

7. Standing up for what you believe in. ~Michelle Galyon-Stallings

8. Living life the way we choose to, regardless of fitting in with other people's norms. ~Tanya Johns Emery

9. Making decisions about your own future that don’t do any harm to anyone. No one should be made to feel guilty for trying to better themselves. ~Rebecca Killeen

10. You shouldn't have to apologize for how you feel. You may need to apologize for how you act on your feelings, but never for being hurt, angry, sad, etc., and expressing how you feel. There's a difference. ~NathanArisa Ferree

11. Being sensitive. I feel my feelings and I believe it's hurtful when individuals are quick to tell someone to “get over it.” If we aren't harming anyone, we all deserve to process our feelings in our own time frame and manner. ~Lori Mitchell

12. For being protective of our children and trusting our instincts as parents—especially when they're not yet capable of advocating for themselves. ~Amitola Rajah

13. Having to grieve. Some people think there is a time limit or a timeframe. It could take a lifetime to accept someone we love passing away. ~Lisa Marie

14. Speaking the truth. It ain't always pleasant, but better to know what's really in someone's heart than be fake! ~Kiran Sohi

15. Speaking up when someone has hurt us in some way. ~Karin Alberga

16. Fighting for the rights of animals. ~Linda Leppington

17. Taking a break and doing absolutely nothing for ten minutes. ~Christina Teresa

18. Being a free thinker and questioning everything even when it's not the popular thing to do. ~Kathy Gildersleeve Wesley

19. Choosing what you think is best for your life. ~Kay West

20. Apologizing too much. ~Lori Deschene

Yes, I just quoted myself there. And what I wrote might seem a little ironic, considering the topic of this post. But I’ve realized that despite knowing I don’t need to apologize as often as I do, I may still fall into this habit at times. And I’ve decided that’s perfectly okay.

It’s okay that I sometimes experience anxiety about potential rejection. It’s okay that I’m insecure at times, and apologize to compensate. And it’s understandable, given my background, that I occasionally blame myself for things that aren’t my fault.

The whole point of learning to apologize less is to build confidence in ourselves and our choices, and that means embracing our humanity.

It’s human to struggle, and unless we’re hurting other people, there’s no need to apologize for it.

What’s one thing you’ve realized you don’t need to apologize for? Have you ever apologized for something on this list?

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal, which includes 15 coloring pages, is now available for purchase. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

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The post 20 Things You Don’t Have to Apologize For appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

     




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